


From the rain comes a river

by lehnsherry



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Hux, Dirty Talk, Dreams, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Force Bond, Huddling For Warmth, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Praise Kink, Sexual Content, Stranded, Survival, Telepathy, Wilderness, accidentally making friends in strange places, all the cliche tropes, bottom kylo, or more like reluctant allies to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-02-22 08:06:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 42,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13162791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lehnsherry/pseuds/lehnsherry
Summary: Hux and Kylo get stranded on a strange, cold planet, with no means of calling for help. They must learn to trust each other and confront the ghosts of their shared past if they wish to survive.





	1. There was nothing left for us to do

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song Empire by Of Monsters and Men, and all the chapter titles will be from their songs as well. The first one is from Hunger.
> 
> As of right now I believe there will be 15 chapters, but that number might still change.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this! Please let me know what you think :)

General Hux was having a truly unpleasant day. Everything had been going wrong from the moment he woke up. He had been so exhausted the previous night, that he had forgotten to set an alarm on his data pad, and so he'd only woken up when a trooper knocked on his door to tell him Ren was already waiting for him. Hux had jumped out of bed and dressed hurriedly, not even having time for his customary morning shower or cup of caf. He felt tired and miserable, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

After rushing out of his quarters on the Finalizer, Hux had met with Ren on the bridge. Ren had remarked on Hux's tardiness in his usual infuriatingly smug manner, never mind that it was generally always Ren who was late. Hux had snapped back, and then they'd had a brief argument over the proceedings of the day. They had been meaning to go down to the small planet the Finalizer had been orbiting, to try and intimidate a local leader into line. That far into the unknown regions, the Order's hold on solitary planets wasn't strong. Such planets were generally allowed to govern themselves, as long as they were agreeable to supplying the Order with a reasonable amount or resources and children for the stormtrooper program. 

Usually the terms were very clear and in Hux's opinion, quite fair. In exchange for these resources, the planet got protection and relative freedom over its domestic policies. On Ilex, however, a liberal governor had gained a worryingly large following and was demanding a decrease in taxes. The First Order needed the funds, so obviously this woman and her demands needed to be taken care of. 

It wouldn't do to just straight up execute admired political figures, as Ren had suggested they do. It would have solved the immediate problem, but in time it would only have caused more disruption. It was better to appear as benevolent, if strict, rulers, than to needlessly cause discontent in the subjects. 

Hux had been able to persuade Ren to merely threaten the governor's immediate family with excruciatingly painful bodily harm, and they got their way easily. That had been the only positive event to occur today. 

They had been briskly walking away from the building they had met the governor in, when it had started raining. Soaked to the bones, cold and annoyed, Hux had really been looking forward to the comfort of his quarters abroad the Finalizer, when he and Ren had both simultaneously got a timid holo from a frightened-looking engineer. The man had stuttered out a confession that there had been an inexplicable explosion in one of the ship's main motors used to travel at light speed. 

There was an ongoing investigation as to what had caused it, as well as a swift operation to fix the engine as fast as possible. The reparations would still take approximately eight to ten days. 

Hux had calmly stated they would get it done in seven. His tone had left no question that the people responsible would suffer, could they not manage the repairs on time. The engineer had nodded frantically, looking a little green. 

After ending the holo call, Hux had taken a moment just to breathe, to avoid throwing a distinctively Ren-like tantrum. This delay was incredibly unfortunate. They had meant to depart for the Core today. Hux was supposed to be at a conference on Correlia in four days, and Ren was supposed to already be on his way to Supreme Leader Snoke. The conference was to be a meeting of three generals of the Order as well as many lower ranking officers and a significant number of rich non-military individuals. It was crucial for Hux to be there, as the meeting concerned finances, and Hux needed to secure funds for the continuing construction of a new, better Starkiller to replace the one destroyed by the Resistance. 

Ren had understandably been unsettled as well. Hux knew from personal experience that upsetting Leader Snoke rarely ended pleasantly for anyone. He had felt Ren's fury at the situation like a heavy cloud enveloping them both. Had the engineer been physically present to tell them the news, Hux was sure Ren would have choked him to death with the force and then destroyed at least three consoles just to release some tension. As it was, the only thing he could tear into had been Hux. They'd had a shouting match on the way back to the landing site of Ren's ship, with which they had arrived on the wretched planet. They couldn't wait for the reparations to be complete, so the only option was to go on ahead in Ren's ship. That was the end of things they could agree on. 

Ren was still ranting as the ship came to view. 

"Are you truly stupid enough not to understand that the Supreme Leader's will is more important that your little gossip club? He may have a mission for me!" 

Hux huffed and swiped rainwater off his face. He snapped back, "For the hundredth time, Ren, this meeting will determine the distribution of funds for the next six months! Snoke can wait for the few hours it takes you to drop me off on Correlia!" 

"Do you want to tell him that? Besides, it's my ship! I decide where it'll go." 

"Yes, your very own personal ship, paid for with – you guessed it – the Order's money! Which we need! And which we will only get our fair share of in the future if I am in that meeting!" 

Ren scoffed, but couldn't deny that Hux was right on this. "I'm telling Snoke I was late because of you, though." His fury was replaced with smug schadenfreude with alarming speed. Hux was once again floored by the sheer weirdness of Ren's personality. To his surprise, he found his own anger subsiding fast as well now that he had his way. 

He sighed, beckoning to the two stormtroopers posted on guard on both sides of the doors of the ship. 

"There has been a change of plans. We head straight for the Core in this ship, instead of the Finalizer. Make any preparations needed, and make it snappy. We're on a tight schedule here." He watched with satisfaction as the troopers shot to action. Hux followed Ren into the ship and settled to lean comfortably against a wall as they prepared for lift-off. 

 

* 

 

They were making steady progress toward the borders of Mid Rim. Hux had taken a much-needed four-hour nap in the small sleeping chamber in the back of the ship, and was now feeling significantly better. It was clear the ship had been designed to house more than just one person, so there was sufficient room for him to spread out on a cot opposite of the one that was clearly Ren's. It was a relief not to have to sleep in the Knight's bed on top of everything else awful that had happened in the last twelve hours. 

Hux poked his head through to the cockpit. Two stormtroopers were at the controls, the other two sitting together in silence. Ren was sitting cross-legged against the wall opposite them, on the floor, clearly deep in meditation. Hux was amazed at how at ease Ren seemed to be, even with Hux and the four troopers in the shuttle with him. He couldn't decide whether it was a sign of Ren's stupidity and over-confidence, or if it was just that Ren knew for certain no one on this ship could be any match for him in close combat. 

Hux somewhat envied that confidence. It was no stretch to say he was usually the smartest and most tactically skilled person in any room, no matter the company, but Hux had to admit beating him in a physical fight wouldn't be difficult for anyone trained in martial arts. His slight frame had always been a cause of insecurity, and he definitely preferred a battle of minds to an actual fight. Unlike Ren, whose ridiculous muscles were obvious even through his tattered black robes. 

Robes that still seemed damp. Hux shuddered just looking at the Knight, who on second glance still looked somewhat like a drowned rat. Hux had at least had the sense to get out of his wet clothes and spread them out to dry. 

It would be a few days until they reached the core worlds. Hux hated to think he's have to spend all that time in such a small space with Kylo Ren and a band of troopers. The least he could do, was to make the period of time as pleasant for himself as possible, he decided, and went in the refresher to take a hot shower. 

The blessed warmth spreading through his body, Hux shook his head. This was so like Ren. Of course he would have a black, forbidding, ridiculously scary-looking shuttle, all sharp corners and austere design just to look cool and ominous, and then furnish it with soft cots draped in high quality silk sheets and a real, water shower instead of a sonic one. That was Ren through and through: a hard, rough shell hiding a ridiculously soft, high-maintenance core. 

It was enjoyable though, the shower. Hux relished the warm water sliding on his skin after the icy rain on Ilex. He picked a bottle off the small shelf mounted on the wall at random. It was hair conditioner. Made with oils from plants and scented like _citrus_. Stars. Hux chuckled and rooted through the other bottles for a shampoo. He found one (lemon and honey) and used a generous palmful of it. It did actually feel better than the First Order issue non-scented shampoo Hux himself used. Maybe he'd look into getting his hands on something like this the next time he had the time to take a day or two of shore leave. 

 

* 

 

Hux emerged from the sleeping chamber into the cockpit. Ren was still meditating. The two stormtroopers not manning the controls were now cleaning their weapons. Hux leaned against a metal wall so that he had a view out into the stars flashing past as shining lines. He took out his data pad to go over his notes for the approaching meeting. It was important to be flattering and demanding in the right relation. He needed to make a new starkiller seem like something they absolutely _had_ to have, something to both display their considerable power and skill and to install fear in the hearts of all their enemies. It was a godsend that they had managed to begin construction inside a new planet already, with the last dredges of the previous subsidy. It was always easier to get support for an existing project than for one that was still just a vision. 

He was thoroughly immersed in his notes, when a high-pitched warning sound blared from the control panel. Hux startled a little and almost dropped the data pad, though he managed to hang onto it. On the floor a few feet away, Ren opened his eyes. 

"What is that?" Hux asked sharply and walked to the troopers at the helm. 

"U-um", one of the troopers said. "Sir, it – it appears we are dangerously low on fuel. We have to drop speed." He sounded fearful, as he should be. What kind of bumbling idiots were these people? Hux could imagine he felt his blood pressure rise. They did _not_ need another delay right now. 

"Do it", Hux commanded. "Now, how do you explain this?" His voice was calm, but the troopers could sense the danger lurking behind the serene façade. The stormtroopers hurried to comply, and they slowed almost immediately. The stars were back to tiny pinpricks of light instead of the flashing strokes. 

"Yes, do tell us, HR-5138. Why was I not notified of this earlier?" Ren's tone is considerably less calm. 

HR-5138's spine snapped ramrod-straight. "Sir, I'm sorry, we just- we didn't notice. Until the signal." He sounded mortified. "The tanks were filled before we left the Finalizer, sir, I don't understand how this could be possible." 

Hux resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands and groan in despair. He would definitely have to take this up with Phasma. Her troopers didn't exactly seem to be the brightest bunch. 

"It never occurred to you to do a systems check for any problems or irregularities before we took off?" Ren asked icily. Hux felt the hair on his arms stand up, even though Ren's anger wasn't even directed at him. 

"Ren, don't kill them yet. We still need them." Hux took care to sound bored, and to put a slight emphasis on the word 'yet'. 

"HR-5138, are there any planets nearby where we can get a refill?" 

The stormtrooper hurried to check on the ship's computer. "Yes, sir! At this pace, we should reach Kashyyyk in one point three hours, and our fuel should be enough to make the trip." 

Now Hux did actually groan. Great. Wookiees. Just what this horrible, awful day needed to make it even more ghastly. "Set course for Kashyyyk, then. We'll take the fuel we need and then make for Coruscant at full speed. This will cause a delay, but we should be able to reach it in time for the conference." 

"Yes, sir!" The stormtrooper hurried to set the course. 

"This still doesn't explain where the fuel has disappeared to", Ren mused. "Who did the refueling?" 

GT-2284 told him it was some maintenance rookie. Hux wrote the name down on his data pad to investigate into later. Ren had the glowering and frightening the troopers covered, so Hux just leaned back against the wall and tried to relax. Everything was still mostly alright, even though he'd soon be forced to have closer contact with wookiees than he'd ever wanted to. They would still make it in time. 

Hux focused his gaze on a small planet passing by. Their shuttle was moving so slowly right now that he could take a long while to examine the planet. It looked calm. Mostly covered in green forests, with some flat snowy plains and large blue lakes. There seemed to be a settlement in the north. Strange. Hux never even knew there was a planet here, much less that there was intelligent life on it. 

Could they have fuel that would fit this ship? Unlikely, but it could be possible. Hux pulled up the tiny planet's stats on his data pad. Carlia, it was called. Carlia was a small, cold planet, orbiting the same star as Kashyyyk, but on a much longer orbit. The planet's diameter was 4,682 kilometers. There had been no intelligent life on it, only animals, up till 97 years ago, when a mining corporation called MEDRA corp had built colonies on it, beginning to harvest the scandium-rich ore in the south. Since then some people had moved north, farming and fishing as their main sources of livelihood. It all sounded quite primitive. At a cursory glance it might seem pleasant and serene, but truthfully Hux would hate to spend a minute on a planet like Carlia. Hux was never fit for standing on the ground of any planet. He'd always been reaching for his destiny in the stars. 

MEDRA corp, however, seemed to be somewhat successful. Hux made a note to look into a possible partnership. He was unpleasantly startled from his thoughts for the second time in a short while, as he heard the ping of an unrecognized ship on the radar. Almost immediately, the alert for their ship being hailed sounded through the cockpit. 

Hux and Ren shared a glance, a common feeling of tread and weariness stretching between them for a second. "Do we accept the call?" Hux asked calmy. 

"Might as well. Let's see what they want." Ren leaned forward to see the approaching ship through the window, though it was still so far away it was difficult to see how large it was with naked eyes. 

"They're small and we have a lot of fire power. Guns at the ready", Ren instructed the stormtroopers. "GT-2284, pitch them through." 

The image of a small woman appeared on the transparisteel. She had many piercings on her face, and her hair wass a startling shade of bright yellow, twisted up into two round buns on top of her head. Her clothes seemed old and worn. She was twisting a necklace of some sort in her hands. 

"Who are you and what do you want." Ren's tone was flat and uninterested, but Hux could feel his anticipation in the air. 

"Hello! You're Kylo Ren, aren't you! _Great_ to see you! Nowhere near as scary as I've been told you look! And _you_ must be General Hux! Hi!" The woman had a high, excited, girlish voice. She smiled bright and _waved_. _What the fuck._ Was she some groupie?

"Oh, but you asked who I am and what I want! Sorry, I've been terribly rude, not introducing myself! My name is Mila Cirio Fortell, and I just wanted to see your faces." 

_What. The. Fuck._

"What the fuck", said Ren. 

"More specifically, I wanted to see your faces when I tell you your guards are so badly trained that they can be really easily and thoroughly distracted, with just a little bit of flirting from a pretty girl. So easily that her little friends can easily steal _all_ your fuel and leave you some cute little _gifts_ in your ships!" And before Hux could get more out of his mouth than a scream of "Shoot--!", she pressed a button on her necklace and smiled wide. Hux was thrown into a wall as the whole shuttle violently jerked sideways as something blew up inside the engine.


	2. Float on down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a crash, minor character deaths and some description of a head injury. Please note that I'm no medical professional and as such I'm mostly just bullshitting my way through this.
> 
> Title from OMAM's Six Weeks.

Hux's head rang with the force of his collision with the wall. He slid down along it, blinking hard to clear his vision, but it didn't work. Everything still looked blurry. Clutching his aching temple, he staggered away from the wall and tried to make his way to the controls. The stormtroopers had been flung away from them, and without anyone steering and one of the engines out of commission, the ship was spinning and wobbling uncontrollably. Hux had difficulty walking straight, and it was hard to get a hold of the chair in front of the console, as he was seeing triple.

The ship lurched to the left, and Hux fell ungracefully into the chair. A cacophony of sound filled the space inside the shuttle, and Hux couldn't focus. An ominous wailing, screeching sound came from somewhere inside the engines, and a stormtrooper was moaning brokenly somewhere Hux couldn't see. There was a loud pounding in his head, in sync with the pulsing darkness threatening to obscure his vision. Hux closed his eyes tightly for a second. Then he sat up straight and grabbed the controls.

Hux steered for Carlia and cursed at the bumps and jerks of the shuttle he couldn't control, at his inability to stabilize the ship. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the strange woman's ship jumping into hyperdrive. Apparently she was so sure they would die here, she need not even stay to witness it. Fuck. Hux was starting to agree with her.

"Ren!" Hux yelled. "I could use some help here! The ship isn't obeying controls like this! Can you stabilize it so I can land us on the planet?"

"Can't, I'm holding off another bomb she set off! Just get us on the ground!" Ren commanded. _Shit._ Hux had never heard him this frantic and strained before. The bomb might explode any second. They were almost definitely going to die.

"HR-5138! Come here and help me stabilize this thing!"

"He's dead, sir! Cracked his neck!" Another stormtrooper panted as she scrambled to Hux's side and grabbed the co-pilot's controls. Hux blinked and focused back on steering. He did _not_ need to think about how closely he had avoided HR-5138's fate. He was only alive thanks to sheer dumb luck.

With the stormtrooper's help Hux managed to get their trajectory a little more under control, but the ground was still approaching at an alarming speed. They were close to touching treetops.

"Ren! How's the bomb?" Hux managed to get out as he shook his head to get rid of the black spots dancing in his field of vision.

"Almost done!" Ren shouted through clenched teeth. It wasn't clear whether he was almost done getting rid of it, or whether it was on the verge of going off. Ren made a frantic sound, and then an explosion somewhere on the right pushed the ship off it's trajectory. One of the wings was ripped off like paper and they hurtled down in a sharp spiral. The ground rose up to meet them, and Hux closed his eyes. There was a scream and a hand closing over his shoulder. It was the last thing Hux felt before the world around him exploded into metal and glass and deafening noise.

*

Kylo cursed as the bomb exploded just outside the ship. It had taken him too long to find it and extract it from the other engine, but he had got it out. It was incredibly difficult to keep it from exploding with the force, and it had went off just outside the ship when Kylo's concentration had faltered for a split second.

They spun fast toward the forest floor and Kylo half ran, half flew down the rapidly tilting floor toward Hux. He got his hand on the general and barely had the time to raise a protective barrier around the two of them, before they hit the ground. The ship rolled around and Kylo felt the windows shattering and the metal walls all around them smoothly folding in like so much fine silk.

 

*

 

Hux regained his consciousness in stages, every one of which hurt like a bitch.

He felt like he had been run over by a tauntaun and then forced to spar with Phasma. In addition to his head throbbing painfully, his whole body felt battered and weak. There was something shap digging into his back, and he was freezing. He could hear his heartbeat and feel it like stabs in his temple. Said temple felt wet and sticky and somehow tender in a scary way, like he had to curl around it to protect it, otherwise a crack might start spreading there and all of him would fall into aching pieces.

Hux opened his eyes just a little sliver, and flinched at the bright light in his eyes that felt like a knife to the brain. Ren was leaning very close to him and pointing a flashlight straight into his face. Hux closed his eyes tight and moaned something that was supposed to be 'what the hell, Ren', but came out as a garbled 'whhllrn'.

Hux felt Ren lean even closer over him, and forced himself to open his eyes again. Ren had now mercifully pointed his flashlight in some other direction. The world was dusky and dim, dominated by a hazily glowing lilac sky. It seemed to be late evening. Hux was cold because he was outside, lying in the snow.

"How great, his highness finally deigns to wake up", Ren quipped. Hux growled. He could not deal with Ren's sass right now. He was in too much pain.

"Please remind me, which one of us was the self-proclaimed sith lord and an actual _prince_ again?"

Ren drew in a sharp breath, probably to unleash his outrage at Hux, but refrained at the last second, thank the stars. This headache was awful enough without the yelling and choking that would inevitably occur if Ren gave in and had a tantrum.

"I'll remind you that I was the one who saved both our lives and then dragged your heavy ass out of a burning ship, while you saw fit to just _faint_ ", Ren muttered.

Hux gracefully chose to ignore any comments about fainting and his ass, because, burning ship?

"What happened?" Hux forced himself to ask, even though truthfully, he'd rather have remained ignorant for a while longer.

"What do you remember?" Ren asked. "It'll be good to know how much that hit addled your brain."

Hux grimaced and dug around in his memory. He rather felt like his brain had been through a blender. "There was an explosion on the Finalizer so we had so depart for the Core in your ship. We noticed too late that our fuel supplies were low, and were forced to slow down. Then... We were... ambushed, by an assassin of some sort. Probably a member of the resistance. She said... Oh! The explosion on the Finalizer must have been her doing as well, a ploy to get us to set out in your ship and get us out here alone with no backup... And then to blow us to pieces." Hux felt slow, the picture only now properly clearing in his mind. Ren was nodding along though, so at least Hux's scrambled mind wasn't making anything up.

"After the initial explosion, I tried to steer us, but I'm hazy on that. I hit my head on a wall, didn't I? What happened after that, really?"

Ren nodded. "I didn't realize the hit was serious at first. Your seemed fine, just a little wobbly. It does explain your shitty piloting though. I got the bomb out of the ship but it exploded too close to us, and we crashed. The ship's a wreck. It will never fly again."

Ren actually looked sad at that. Of course the idiot would get attached to that lump of metal.

"And all the troopers are dead. One was dead before the crash, and I could only protect myself and you when we collided with the ground."

Hux nodded. It was unfortunate to lose the troopers, but they were replacable.

"I trust you've called for someone to retrieve us?"

Ren winced at that. "The comms were destroyed in the crash as well."

Well, shit. Hux closed his eyes. "What about data pads? The troopers' helmets?" He had to ask, even though he feared he already knew the answer.

Ren held up a mangled mass of metal and glass in answer. To his horror, Hux recognized it. It was, or at least had been, his data pad. _Fuck._

This was officially a kriffing hellish shitshow of a situation.

"Is there anything left of the ship? Any idea where we are on the planet? How long was I unconscious, what have you been doing? Why -" Hux had a tendency to start demanding all possible information when he was driven to the end of his recilience. Usually it helped him get a grasp of the situation and then achieve a sensible plan of action.

He was cut off by Ren touching his cheek. Just, _what?_ The sheer surprise silenced Hux. They never touched like this. Ren turned his head to the side and examined the wound.

"You're freaking out. Probably have a concussion too. We should take care of this first."

Hux wanted to protest, because really, he was feeling just fine, or at least fine enough to first learn everything he could about the situation, before allowing Ren to take care of him. And wasn't that an absurd tought, Ren wanting to care for him. He felt Ren's gloved hand pushing aside his ruffled hair, carefully avoiding touching where Hux was hurt. Frankly, his gentleness was unsettling.

"You were out cold for the better part of an hour. The ship was a little on fire and I thought it would blow up, so I carried you and some supplies away from it. Then I extinguished the fire and secured the ship, fixed some leaks and supporting structures that broke in the crash. It should be safe to enter now, won't explode or crash down on you. I was going to carry you back in there and do a perimeter check."

"I can walk", Hux stated, and desperately hoped he actually could. He definitely didn't want Ren to throw him over his shoulder.

"Can you really?" Ren mused. "How are you feeling, anyway?"

Hux let out a slightly hysteric sound that might have been a giggle, except that generals of the First Order did not in fact ever giggle, no matter the circumstances. "What do you think, Ren? I'm stuck on a snowball, in the middle of nowhere, with _you_ of all people, and a head injury, with my whole crew dead and my ship destroyed, and with no way to get away! But other than that, I'm feeling bloody fantastic!"

Ren just looked at him flatly. "Settle down. I meant physically."

And then he pet Hux's hair.

Actually _pet_ it, smoothing it back and repeating the motion over and over again. His expression stayed blank, but this was obviously some evil ploy to unsettle Hux further. Knowing that didn't change the fact that it felt so good Hux wanted to cry a little. It was horrible. He did not want anything like this from Ren, that had been decided years ago. His body, however, seeming to never have gotten the memo, relaxed at Ren's ministrations without Hux's permission.

Hux turned his head away and sighed deep, trying to get himself under control. His voice was thankfully steady as he reported how he felt: He was dizzy, had a headache and felt slightly nauseous. His vision had returned to normal, but his thoughts still felt somewhat sluggish. He was also really fucking cold.

"Yeah, that's a concussion", Ren declared, and proceeded to help Hux up and steer him back into the mangled ship. Hux felt unsteady on his feet and was relieved to just slide down a wall to sit on the floor inside the ship. Ren pointed him to a first aid kit and went back outside for that perimeter check.

The ship was blessedly warm, but that was the extent of it's pleasant qualities. Everything inside it was in shambles. There were shards of glass covering every surface. The ship had been so badly crushed and compressed in the crash that there was just bent and scrunched metal where the windows used to be. The whole space was much smaller than before. There was blood on the floor amidst the glass and metal rubble. Hux spotted a few random pieces of stormtrooper armor, some of them bloody. Hux didn't really want to know what Ren had done with the bodies. It was enough for him that they were no longer here.

Hux reached for the first aid kit. He could dress a wound just fine, but it would help to have a mirror. Leaning on the wall, Hux got up on his still weak, unsteady feet and swayed into the sleeping guarters. They were in worse shape than the control room. Most of the room was just... gone. Crushed into an unrecognizable mess of metal. Ren's cot was unharmed though, and the small refresher was mostly intact as well. Going in, Hux looked at his face in the mirror and grimaced. He was even paler that usual and his hair was a mess. There was blood on his temple and cheek. He looked like he had been through hell.

He took a packet of anticeptic wipes from the first aid package and started cleaning his temple. The cut was small and easily cleaned, even though it stung. Hux spread some bacta gel on it and taped the little cut shut with a butterfly bandage for good measure. What was more worrying was the slight bump underneath the cut, formed on his temple from the hit to the hard wall. He could only hope it would subside quickly and have no lasting consequences. He had to trust that nothing worse was wrong with his head, and just follow the situation as it developed. He took three painkiller pills from the packet and as no water came from the tap as he tried, Hux swallowed them dry, wincing at the way they seemed to stick to his throat before going down.

Hux smiled self-deprecatingly at his reflection. He was in pain, dressing his own wounds inside a ruined ship. He was stranded on a foreign, primitive world with Kylo Ren, the last person anyone would ever want to be stranded with. And he'd thought the day was shitty back when his biggest problems were a lack of caffeine and a little rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it was a little short! The next one will have more of Kylo's pov :)


	3. As we drifted towards the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux dreams. Things get very steamy and then very awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Your Bones by Of monsters and men.
> 
> There is some sexual content in this, where Kylo accidentally ends up in Hux's dream without his permission.

While Ren was still outside doing whatever it was that he was doing, Hux had taken it as his task to find any usable food and other supplies in the ship. It would have helped greatly to be able to actually see what he was doing, but only one of the lights in the cockpit was in working order, the rest had been smashed to bits in the crash. The sleeping quarters were completely without light or electricity. Hux was delighted to find another flashlight like the one Ren had, as well as to realize the light from the refresher lit up the sleeping area quite sufficiently, if the door was left all the way open.

Hux went though every compartment and cupboard he could find, and ended up finding more supplies than he had dared to hope. Someone else had had to have been in charge of outfitting the shuttle with suitable survival equipment, because there was no way Ren would have had the foresight to stock up on emergency rations, water canisters, spare clothes and insulation blankets. Hux found all these, as well as three more first aid packages, a toolbox, a coil of rope, a pile of warm shock blankets and a small cupboard with Ren's spare robes. Hux hadn't even known Ren owned more than just the one, because apparently he had multiple sets that looked exactly the same, down to the rough, worn texture of the fabric.

Hux gathered all his findings in a pile in the sleeping guarters and sat on the edge of Ren's cot. The painkillers were working magnificently and he was no longer very conscious of his injury, but he was weary, down to his bones. He felt as though he had been up for a year, even though it had only been a few hours. Searching through the ship earlier, he had felt ready to just keel over and take a long nap on the cold metal floor. He leaned his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands and just sat quietly for a while. There was a lot to think about.

Ren was possibly out there burying the dead stormtroopers right now. Or burning them, or leaving them as food for whatever animals lived in these woods. Usually death didn't much phase Hux, otherwise he would never have been able to give the order to destroy the Hosnian system, but something about this was sitting badly with him. He couldn't help thinking about how incredibly close his own death had been. He had faced dangerous situations before, but for some reason this one seemed the most shocking. Perhaps it was because this was the first time Ren had intentionally saved him. Protected him.

Hux couldn't for the life of him understand why the knight had done it. Wouldn't it have been infinitely more beneficial for him to have been rid of his worst rival once and for all? But Ren had saved his life instead. Hux honestly couldn't say what he would have done, had he been in Ren's shoes at that moment. On one hand it would have been a tremendous relief to finally be free of the man, but on the other... Why did it feel like it would have been a defeat, Ren dying like that? Like it was too _easy?_

Hux shook his head. He didn't have time to think about this. He and Ren were both alive, and they would both need to make an effort to stay that way.

They would have to make for the town Hux had seen in the north. It had only been a short glance, but he had been sure there were buildings there, and streets, and lights. Hux had to believe that if they got there, everything would be alright again. Whether they'd make it there at all, was another question entirely. For one, Hux had no idea where they were right now. He had been steering for the north, but everything had been frantic and his vision unclear. For all he knew, they could be thousands of kilometres away from the town he had seen.

It was also a valid question whether he and Ren would kill each other before they even got to the town. They'd been unusually civil with each other after Hux had regained consiousness, Ren almost chivalrous even, but peace between them never lasted for long. Hux had been foolish enough to hope for it once, and he sweared to never do so again. Ren was an infuriating, tantrum-throwing manchild, and he had an uncanny talent at provoking Hux. Usually the general remembered his unfortunate disadvantages in a physical fight against Ren and refrained from enganging in one, but he was known to sometimes lose his temper completely, when Ren was concerned. For a time, said loss of temper had lead to scuffles which had lead to hits and stratches and bites and violent trysts in supply closets and empty hangars, but that was over now, and bore no thinking about.

Hux shivered. It was unpleasant, recounting old mistakes. It was also bloody cold in this husk of a ship. Despite Ren putting it back together somewhat securely, the ship clearly was no longer neither airtight nor well insulated. Hux wrapped himself in the blanket on the cot and settled in to wait for Ren to return from his expedition.

 

*

 

Hux heard the doors slam shut and Ren came through to the sleeping area a moment later, hair whipped into a disarray by the wind and a coating of snow on his shoulders and head. He brushed some of the snow off onto the floor and surveyed the scene before him. Hux sat up straighter and felt suddenly a little self conscious like this, sitting in Ren's bed, wrapped in his bedcovers. Ren didn't seem to notice, just came further in and asked, "Did you find any food?"

Hux indicated the emergency ration packages. Now that he thought about it, he noticed the hollow empiness of his own stomach. He reached for a protein bar and a bag of nuts and dried fruit, and tore into them with fervor. Ren sat opposite him on the floor and began eating a similar meal in silence.

"Any idea where we are?" Hux asked. "How far out did you go?"

"Not very far", aswered Ren, between huge bites of protein bar. "It's not too cold out there, a little below freezing maybe, and not much wind. It'll get colder during the night though. It started snowing, and it's pretty dark too, so the visibility's abysmal. I walked a little, saw just trees and snow and more trees. So I climbed the highest one I could find."

Hux blinked that that. The trees he had seen on this planet so far had all been huge pines, with straight trunks and branches only around ten metres off the ground and higher. And Ren had just _climbed_ one, like it was nothing? Well, probably it would help if one was force sensitive and able to just float in the air if he so wished.

"And?" Hux prompted when Ren paused to take another bite.

"Not much to say. Lots of the damn trees. A big lake south from here."

Hux felt disappointed, but really, what had he been expecting? A road with big signs proclaiming it the way to safety? That the town would be just behind the nearest hill? Of course his life couldn't be that easy.

He told Ren what he had read about the planet before his data pad was destroyed, and about the settlement he had seen. Most of the operations on the planet were located on the south hemisphere, but that was too far away. Ren and him both agreed that it was best to try to find the town.

"Even if it's small and primitive", Hux said as he reached for another protein bar and tore the wrapping foil open, "there has to be a MEDRA corp command centre there, or at least some smaller outpost. We'll find working comms there, and then we can call for the Order to come retrieve us from this place."

Ren nodded. "I'd say our best bet is to just travel north and look for a road to follow. Might even meet some travelers and ask the way." The glint in his eyes was a little mad. His brand of 'asking' probably consisted of ripping the information out of the unsuspecting brain of the first intelligent being he could get his hands on. Evidently Hux wasn't the only one getting fed up with the situation.

Ren's murder gaze was interrupted as he yawned hugely. Apparently Hux wasn't the only tired one either.

"How about we just go to sleep and make plans in the morning?" He asked, fighting a yawn of his own. Ren chuckled.

"Never thought I'd hear you say you want to sleep first and plan later. But I agree, we should sleep."

Hux sniffed at that, but just reached for a few blankets and got comfortable on the cot. Ren made some noise about it being his bed, but Hux pulled the concussion card, and uncharacteristically, Ren let it slide. He threw a rustling insulation sheet on Hux, and then went to build a nest of blankets for himself on the other side of the room, near the new wall made of a mess of metal. He waved his hand and the light in the fresher turned off and they were enclosed in darkness.

 

*

 

Hux had been lying still with his eyes closed, trying to fall asleep, for perhaps thirty minutes. It was ridiculous. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally, but sleep kept evading him. Despite all the padding around him, the chilly air in the room was leeching away at his warmth. He was shivering slightly and his teeth were starting to chatter. Thoughts were tumbling around in his head and he was unsettled by the silence surrounding him. He was so used to typical ship noises, the distant hum of engines and machinery, the bustle of people. Their absence felt wrong.

A vicious shiver shook Hux's body. From the floor less that two metres away, Hux could hear Ren shifting restlessly in his blanket nest. His teeth were chattering, too.

This wouldn't do. Hux closed his eyes tight and made a decision.

"This is stupid. Come here, Ren."

"...What."

"Have you never been taught basic survival skills at all? Sharing body heat is the most effective way to avoid hypothermia. I'm not leaving this bed, so you'd better get over here." He was proud of how flat he could make his voice sound despite the furious pounding of his heart. It was possible he was making a terrible mistake here.

"Fine", Ren grumbled, but he did drag his things over to the cot. Hux scooted over so he was lying as close to the wall as possible. Ren laid another layer of blankets over Hux, and then got under them with him. Hux's slight shiver was entirely due to the cold air Ren let in, and had nothing to do with the fact that they were now lying very close together on the narrow mattress, shoulders and arms and sides and thighs touching.

Ren wriggled around, looking for a good position, and impossibly nudged even closer to Hux. His head was on Hux's pillow and his ridicuous hair tickled Hux's cheek. He didn't try to outright cuddle, thank the stars, but he was very close. And he smelled very nice.

This was the worst idea Hux had ever had.

But he was warmer now. Ren was like a furnace with legs and a stupid face. Hux burrowed a little deeper into the covers and shifted into a more comfortable position. His whole body felt heavy with the fatigue from all the pain and chaos and distress he'd experienced since he'd last had a proper night's sleep.

Next to him, Ren was breathing deep and slow, already asleep. His breaths made an even, calming rhythm, and Hux matched it without even trying to. Finally, finally he felt his consciousness float away as he let sleep claim him.

 

*

 

Kylo knew distantly that he was dreaming. Everything was soft and hazy in the way dreams sometimes were, the setting and background disappearing has he focused on what was happening. He was simultaneusly participating and observing from above, and though he recognized it was a dream, he couldn't change its course.

He had Hux against a cold metal wall, boxing him in and nipping at his throat. Hux's legs were wrapped around Kylo's waist, and Kylo was fucking into him hard and fast, grunting. Kylo was fully clothed, but all of Hux's clothes except his gloves were strewn over the floor behind them. Hux tilted his head to the side, bared his throat to give Kylo better access. His breath hitched as Kylo kissed the side of his neck, and Kylo could feel a ghost of the touch of lips on his own neck. It finally dawned to him that this was _Hux's_ dream, not his own. Kylo was in the general's head, had been drawn in unconsciously due to their proximity.

Dream Hux was a softer being than the man in real life. His skin was an almost translucent white and his limbs even slimmer than Kylo knew them to be. Was this how Hux saw himself? Fragile and small? Kylo himself was a little different as well, he thought. The cock pounding into Hux was bigger than it really was, his arms thicker and stronger, easier to hold Hux with. Was this how Hux remembered them, with an even more striking difference in size and shape than there had truly been when they had last done this in the waking world?

Hux was projecting his feelings so strongly Kylo couldn't help diving into them, hearing all his thoughts, feeling every emotion, every sensation. Hux was going crazy with how good he felt, it had been too long since he had last been touched like this by anyone, by Ren. He tried to hate the feeling of being held this way, off the ground and supported only by Ren's ridiculous arms, but he couldn't lie to himself like this.

He was furious with himself for how much power he was giving this horrible man, this burdensome _child_ , who presumed to be his equal and undermine his every action, who the Supreme Leader appreciated infinitely more than Hux, just for his magic powers, who made Hux feel so many things he _didn't want to feel_. He was furious with himself for allowing Ren to hurt him so much, with words first to anger him, to provoke, and then with hands and teeth when Hux gave in to his fury and got too close. Ren was always so rough, and Hux encouraged him, because this was all he could get - was all he wanted from Ren.

It was foolish, losing control and giving in to desire like this, Hux thought as his cloved hands stroked through Kylo's hair and he rolled his hips to meet Kylo's next thrust. Foolish and futile and would only leave him feeling frustrated and empty after. It was a weakness, one that Ren would learn to exploit before long, but it was so good. Ren was so _good_.

And it _was_ good, it was perfect, Kylo had forgotten, how could he have forgotten how good it was? Hux panting curses in his ear, tugging at the strands of his hair, meeting him thrust for thrust, perfectly in sync. Kylo could feel Hux around him, fluttering, and he could feel Hux's pleasure like it was his own, he could feel the way his hands slid along the general's sides and made him shudder, and he trembled as well. He had never been in anyone's head like this, when he was physically inside them as well, and it was glorious. He could feel what felt best to Hux, and he could repeat those movements over and over, until Hux was a whimpering mess and his abandon was bleeding over into Kylo's mind. They were stuck in a frenzied feedback loop of bliss, and Kylo never wanted it to end.

He lifted one hand to Hux's neck, not squeezing yet but giving a suggestion of it, and Hux moaned and leaned his head back. His cheeks were flushed, eyes half closed, wet and hazy. He scrambled for purchase on Kylo's shoulders, in the rough fabric of his robes, and Kylo could sense how Hux hated his fully clothed state. Kylo chuckled and fucked Hux harder, faster, intent on making him forget everything about his clothes.

Hux closed his eyes and buried his face in Kylo's hair, not minding that it made it harder for Kylo to retain the hold on his throat. Hux was going to come soon and he couldn't look Ren in the eye, couldn't let him see him like that. He wanted to stop, he always wanted to just stop, but it was too good and he couldn't. This would have to be the last time, it would, Hux would end it right here -

And then Hux was coming, muscles squeezing around Kylo like a vice and then releasing and squeezing again, milking his orgasm from him. It was bright, sheer pleasure felt twofold as Hux's orgasm echoed through Kylo's mind and body as well -

He jerked awake and scrambled backwards until he almost fell off the cot.

Hux was still asleep, hips rolling lazily, riding the last wave of his orgasm, and as Kylo watched him, he let out a soft little moan. His face was sweaty and flushed, eyelids fluttering as he dreamed, hair half stuck to his forehead with sweat and half mussed and fluffy. There was the tiniest crease between his eyebrows and he unconsciously shifted forward, searching for Kylo's warmth.

He looked lovely. Kylo wanted nothing more than to gather him in his arms and pet him until he woke up and smiled up at him, sated and content.

Kylo flinched at the thought and scrambled out of the bed and into the 'fresher as fast as he could.

 

*

_What the hell was that?_

In the dream, everything had felt so good and natural, but now, awake, Kylo was freaking out. They used to have sex sometimes, true, but it had never been anything like that. It had been just one more way for them to fight, violent and meaningless, one more game of power and influence. When they got on each other's nerves enough, when they'd provoked and mocked and sneered enough to drive each other to the brink of violence, it had been easy and sensible, even, to take all that frustration out on one other. Those had been quick, angry encounters, spontaneous and never talked about after. Furious, tugging handjobs, blowjobs with too much teeth, rough fucking a couple of times when they'd had the time and energy for it.

It had never meant anything. There had never been neck kissing. There had never been shared headspace and mad scrambling to hold each other close. It had never been like that dream. Neither of them had ever needed or wanted anything like that. Kylo had never sensed anything like that on Hux when rummaging around in his surface thoughts, as he sometimes did when he was bored or wanted to make Hux lose his precious control. There had only ever been annoyance and contempt and hatred and cold, calculating desire that flared hot during their encounters but never blossomed into anything more.

But that didn't explain why Hux was dreaming of those things now, of deeper passion, tinted with regret and shame and conviction that he would never want it again after this one last time. Nor did it explain why Kylo had loved it so much, or why Hux's adamance to stop left him feeling so unsettled now.

It didn't explain the moment after he had just woken up, when he had just wanted to bask in Hux's warmth and proximity. That had never happened before, and the feeling made him uneasy. It had passed fast, and now he was just uncomfortable and shivering in the cold. The inside of his pants was sticky where he had come in his sleep like a pathetic little boy, and his skin felt clammy everywhere.

Kylo shook his head to clear his thoughts. This was a strange development, but it wouldn't be of any use to stay here wondering and losing sleep. He could deal with it in the morning, or even better, forget it had ever even happened. He reached for the canister of water he had bought to the fresher the previous evening, and wet a wad of toilet paper. He wiped himself clean with it, slid a hand through his messy hair and sighed. Time to go back and try to fall asleep again.

 

*

Hux was still having pleasant dreams when Kylo returned to the room. Kylo was tempted to just let him be and ignore him, but after a few seconds it became obvious he could never fall asleep with Hux's mind projecting a frantic jumble of hot, steamy images of skin sliding together. How could a person be this difficult even in their sleep, Kylo would never understand. He lit the flashlight and pointed it out of Hux's face, steeled himself and prodded Hux in the shoulder with his forefinger.

Hux shot upright and sat there for a moment, panting lightly and looking disoriented. Then he seemed to realize he was awake, and turned to look at Kylo, and promptly flushed a brighter red than Kylo had ever seen on anyone's face before.

"You're not supposed to sleep for long periods of time if you have a concussion", Kylo said, just to justify waking Hux. The general nodded jerkily, still red and looking mortified, mumbled something, and fled for the refresher. Kylo sighed and got into bed. He was instantly hit by Hux's scent, warm and familiar, and simultaneously felt a stirring in his pants and a wave of anxiety in his head. Great. This was exactly what he needed on top of everything else that had been going to shit lately.

Kylo definitely didn't want to have an awkward, stilted conversation about this with Hux right now, so he rolled over and resigned himself to pretending to sleep until he actually fell asleep or it was time to get up, whichever came first. The conversation would probably come in the morning. Something told Kylo he would lie awake for a long time tonight, not finding peace from the unsettling thoughts filling his head, all these images he hadn't had before and desires he'd thought he was free from.

 

*

 

Kylo woke up cold, a crick in his neck and a sleeping Hux curled into his side for warmth.

He took a moment to wonder at the sheer absurdity of this, and to just look at Hux, unworried. He wasn't dreaming right now, his mind sending out only the quiet, calm buzz of sleep. He looked all peaceful and smooth in his sleep, and younger too. There was no sneer on his face, no cold eyes, no mocking laughter. There was also no blush or huffing breaths or small, involuntary noises.

The whole episode in the night had been a shock, but so was this, waking up beside Hux. It couldn't have been called a relationship or even a fling by any standards, what they'd had during their years stationed on the Finalizer and the Starkiller base together, before the whole mess with the jedi girl Rey, the map and the search for Luke Skywalker, and finally the whole Starkiller blowing up. It had happened rarely, perhaps a couple dozen times in total. They had always been angry and fast, and never invited each other to their personal guarters. Hux had been just a beautiful body, good for release and not needed for anything else.

It had come to a natural end with the demise of the Starkiller base as Kylo and Hux had been directed to duties away from each other. Hux had been assigned to a mad scramble to keep the Order's hold on the galaxy steady, tighten it if possible, as well as to begin the construction of a new Starkiller. Kylo had spent months in Snoke's citadel, first being punished for his failures, and then being taught more about the ways of the force, about the balance in it. He was becoming stronger still, not yet having reached the peak of his abilities. The last two months had been spent with three of his knights on a journey to the uncharted territories, seeking an old Jedi chronicle Snoke wanted to get his hands on. They had found it after some difficulty, and Kylo had sent his knights to deliver it to their leader in person as he himself went to Ilex with Hux. He bitterly regretted not going with the knights. If he had, he might be on a new mission already, or perhaps he'd be with Snoke right now, learning more. 

Though he was learning new things here as well. Kylo had been surprised to realize how much Hux felt for him, how much passion and how much disdain. His mind had desperately called out to Kylo, but then there had been the apparent self-loathing associated with sex with Kylo as well. It perplexed him. Why did Hux care so much about something that shouldn't even be of any consequence?

Kylo sighed, and it ruffled Hux's fluffy hair. It was strange to to see him so unguarded and unrefined. Kylo ran a hand through his own hair and grimaced. He really needed a shower, but they didn't exactly have a working shower or even enough water for one. The ship's largest water tank had ruptured in the crash and most of the water had been gone by the time Kylo got around to fixing the tank. They would have to take the rest along with them was drinking water, so no showers for him. He would just have to hope they'd find a river soon. It would be diffivult to heat streaming water with the force, but Kylo didn't mind a challenge.

They should really get going as early as possible. Kylo sat up and nudged Hux's shoulder.

"Wake up. We should start packing."

Hux made a little 'hrrg' sound and pulled the blanket over his face. That would have been stupidly adorable had it not been _Hux_. Kylo prodded his shoulder harder. "Seriously, Hux, get up. There's food."

At the mention of sustenance, one half-open blue eye appeared over the edge of the cover, and then rest of Hux's sleepy face. He looked very rumpled and a little grumpy. Massaging his temple, the general sat up slowly and rooted through their rations for the little bags of nuts and fruit, still nonverbal. Not a morning person, apparently. Interesting.

 

*

 

After eating, Kylo took some of plating off the inner walls of the sleeping chamber, and brought it out into the snowy morning light. The plates were made of a light but durable metal - though nowhere near durable enough, Kylo thought bitterly, looking at the mangled ship - and would slide well on the snowy ground. He melted and shaped and assembled the plates with the force until he had a kind of sled in which they could bring their supplies along. It was two metres long and a little less than a metre wide. He took the coil of rope Hux had found and fashioned long handles with which the sled could be pulled along behind them. He couls also carry it with the force if they hit terrain on which it wouldn't slide, but he wanted to save his power for possible dangers they might meet on the way. He still had no idea what kind of animals lived here, or whether the local humans would be hostile.

Sled finished, Kylo went back inside to see what Hux was up to. The general had dressed as warmly as he could: he was wearing one of Kylo's robes and an insulation coat on top of it. The image he presented was somewhat funny, like a little kid trying on his parents' clothes, but at least he seemed prepared for the outside world.

"Open this compartment, will you?" Hux pointed at a compartment that seemed to be half crushed. "It's the only one I haven't been able to open that looks like there could still be something in it that's not smashed to bits."

Kylo did as he was asked, and hit a jackpot. The cupboard was full of more rations, but instead of dry bars and nuts, these were preserves in metal cans. Meat, fish, fruit, soups... Kylo could have cried, seeing them there. He had been getting sick of the tasteless protein bars already. Hux seemed similarly close to tears as he got his hands on the instant caf powder and preserved blue milk that were in the compartment. He hugged them to his chest and rushed to one of their water canisters and poured some into a travel cup, mixing in the milk and caf powder. Sipping the cold sludge seemed akin to a religious experience. Kylo had to laugh.

"Want me to heat that up for you?" He asked. Hux turned to him so fast Kylo was a little startled.

_"Yes."_

Kylo chuckled and waved his hand. Steam rose from the cup, and Hux breathed in the aroma with a rare blissful smile on his face. He drank deep and then said, "Honestly, Ren, I could kiss you right now." And then flushed a deep red and coughed.

Kylo might have choked a little on thin air. "Please, don't", he wheezed and busied himself with doing inventory and starting to carry their supplies out to the sled. He could hear Hux groaning faintly behind him.

*

They had a grand total of three large insulation sheets, five blankets, two long insulation coats, four sets of robes, including the two they were wearing, one pair of extra boots, three sets of First Order issue stormtrooper's gear to go under the armor and tactical gear - including underwear, socks, stretchy pants and long-sleeved shirts - food for perhaps three weeks if they ate sparingly, water for four days, one toolbox, and four small first aid kits. They also had two of the least damaged stormtrooper helmets that Kylo had taken before burying the troopers. They could try to fix the helmets, even though Kylo didn't have high hopes for that, what with their limited access to tools.

For weapons, they had one lightsabre and one working blaster. They both grimaced at that, but it'd have to do. Hux took the blaster as if it was his right, and Kylo felt a surge of annoyance at his arrogance. He let it slide, however, because he was more comfortable fighting with his sabre and the force anyway. In addition to this, they had the two long knives Kylo always had stashed on his person, one in his boot and one in a sleeve. He was going to give one of them to Hux, both to be fair and to see the soft general fumble with such an unrefined weapon, as Hux once again floored him completely. That was becoming uncomfortably commonplace. "Don't bother", Hux said coolly and pulled a smaller, very sharp-looking knife from his own sleeve, "I have three of these, I think I'll be fine."

With that, they were just about ready. Kylo made one last cursory sweep of the shuttle, picking up the cot's mattress as well as the toilet paper rolls from the refresher. You never knew what those might come in handy for. He also broke a few metal bars off the cot, to be used as weapons in a fight if necessary.

Outside, they assembled everything in the sled on top of the mattress. It all fit nicely, and when Kylo tried, it wasn't too heavy to pull along as he walked. Great. They were ready to go.

Kylo turned back one last time, to cast a longing glance at the ship. It had been his trusty companion for six years now. He had to admit it stung, having to leave it here like that, broken and empty. It was no longer warm, but at least it had been a cover from the wind and snowfall in the night. From now on, they would be at the mercy of the weather of this foreign planet.

"Come on, Ren", Hux says, "we'd better get going. We have a long way ahead of us."

That served as a wake-up call as it was intended to. They had no idea how long they'd have to walk. Better to start as soon as possible. Kylo nodded. Hux pointed a direction, and they started walking toward the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to everyone who's commented and/or left kudos so far, I love you all <3
> 
> I have a tumblr @trevardes if you want to come yell about kylux with me :)


	4. Lost in the forest of this heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has a decidedly less pleasant dream. Kylo comes to a realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from OMAM's Slow Life

Days on Carlia were strangely short. There was natural light for just over six hours a day, and then came a night that lasted for fourteen. The first night on their way, when they noticed it getting dark, it felt like a muffling blanket laid on the world. They had never seen a sun in the first place, the sky covered completely in thin, white clouds that let some light through, but they could see the effect of it lowering on the other side of the cloudcover. The air seemed to go hazy and grey in the distance, the shadows of the trees lengthening and darkening.

The snowy world was cast in a blue hue that only got darker as time passed. Soon it became difficult to see much of anything. The dark grey, almost black trunks of the pines blended into the shadows around them.

"We should probably stop here for the day", Hux said as they came to a small clearing. It felt frustrating, having only walked for a scant six hours. If this was the progress they would be making daily, their odds to find the town soon seemed even more diminished.

"I guess so", Ren agreed. "We could keep going for a while with the flashlights, but it's probably better to save the batteries."

Hux pulled the sled into a suitable-looking copse of smaller spruces on the edge of the clearing, and they began dismantling the charge. Everything went into a pile next to the sled except the blankets. It was decided that they would sleep in the sled, as it's edges would provide additional cover against the wind.

"Let's build a fire", Ren said. "I want hot food for a change." He promptly took one of the flashlights and went off in search of firewood, and Hux was left alone. He set all their blankets in the sled to wait for when they would go to sleep, and chose two cans out of the pile, one of meat and one of fish. Then he too started gathering branches for the fire. There were plenty of them on the ground, broken off by the wind that sometimes got very harsh. Hux noticed some animal tracks, similar to which he had been seeing here and there during the day. There were tiny prints everywhere that probably belonged to some little mammal species living in the trees. Hux wasn't worried about those, but he did find the rarer, ominously large hoof prints somewhat worrisome. He could only hope none of the animals on this planet were hostile or hungry enough to attack him and Ren in their sleep.

Though Hux was annoyed the day lasted for such a short time, it wasn't only a bad thing. They'd walked at a brisk pace and pulled the sled along in short shifts, and it was tiring. Hux's arms and thighs ached, and he was starting to develop a headache again. It was probably not the best idea to excercise this much while concussed, but he didn't have the luxury of caring about that. He could see and he wasn't in actual pain, so there was no real reason to stall and take it easy. Still, it was good they wouldn't be walking twelve hours a day.

Ren was taking a long time gathering the wood, but Hux didn't have the energy to be annoyed or worried. He just took his branches back to the sled and sat down in the snow to assemble them into something resembling a proper campfire. He was glad for Ren's momentary absence. He needed the silence and peace to think.

Their journey today hadn't been anywhere near as awkward as Hux had anticipated. Ren had apparently been too embarrassed to even tease Hux about what had happened the previous night. Hux himself still didn't even know what it was that had happened. He remembered having unusually vivid and obscene dreams about Ren, and he knew he had woken up with a humiliating mess in his underwear and an uncomfortable Ren nudging his shoulder. He wondered whether he had just humped Ren's thigh in his sleep, of if Ren had intruded in his dreams and actually seen what they had been about. He remembered a distinct feeling of reality, like Ren had somehow been very tangible and present, so he suspected the latter option.

Hux didn't like Ren trespassing like that, even if Hux's dreams were about Ren. He was too vulnerable while asleep, not in control and not able to decide what to reveal to Ren and what to keep behind the strongest mental walls he could build. Hux sighed and removed the lids from the cans and set them next to him in the snow. He would have to talk to Ren about personal boundaries, but first he wanted to eat.

Hux heard footsteps and his hand instinctively shot to the blaster inside his coat. He didn't really expect it to be anyone other than Ren, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Ren stomped into the clearing with a pile of branches in his arms. He dropped them next to the pile of their things, and then lit Hux's branches on fire with his lightsabre. They burned well, with a hot flame, and the preserves warmed fast when Hux placed them right next to the fire.

They ate in silence. Hux stole a glance at Ren, who looked annoyingly calm and at peace with the world. He had stopped wearing the helmet after the jedi girl had left him with the scar, probably as a form of ridiculous self-punishment. Ren had failed, and didn't allow himself the comfort of hiding the marks that failure had left on him. Hux had always imagined Ren would be an open book without the helmet, too used to not having to conceal his emotions, but during his months on Snoke's planet the knight seemed to have learned something about discipline, at least on the outside. His outbursts and rages occasionally still broke the serene façade, but Hux had a more difficult time reading Ren's expressions than previously.

They went to bed shortly after their meal. The sled made for a strange bed, almost like a crib, and forced them to lie very closely together. They were both getting a bit rank after a day's walk in warm clothes and not having a chance to wash themselves.

"If we don't come across a river tomorrow, I'll need you to melt and heat some snow for us to clean up with, this is getting barbaric", Hux said as he pulled the many layers of blankets over them. He turned his back to Ren to have at least a little fresh air, but that put his face uncomfortably close to the cold metal of the sled. Ren chuckled behind him and agreed, but then stuck his big, cold nose into Hux's neck just to be a dick. Hux yelped and elbowed Ren in the stomach. There was a little scuffle that had the sled rocking like an actual crib. Hux could not believe this was his life. He turned back a little and pushed Ren's face away, deliberately smushing the knight's nose into his cheek.

"Settle down, you lump, I want to sleep", he scolded.

Ren just laughed again and responded with a smug, "Sweet dreams, General." Hux huffed and braced himself. Here was the moment he had been dreading, but the conversation had to happen.

"Speaking of dreams", Hux began and had to clear his throat, "were you in mine last night? I trust you to know that's a flagrant invasion of my privacy."

Ren was no longer laughing. "I was. You were calling for me in your dream and I unconsciously followed that call." He spoke slowly, carefully. "I'm sorry. I... saw things I wasn't supposed to. I'll make an effort to keep that from happening from now on."

Hux blinked. An outright apology was much more than he had hoped to get, but Ren's apparent sincerity left him floundering. "That's. That's good. As you should. Goodnight, Ren." And with that, he turned again and closed his eyes. He hoped fervently that his mind wouln't 'call' to Ren tonight, whatever that meant and whatever kind of dreams he had. He should really do some research into protecting his thoughts and dreams from users of the Force. If it could be done, he needed to know how. In the meantime, he just had to hope his dreams wouldn't take a turn for the sultry tonight.

 

*

 

They didn't. Hux would almost have preferred if they had. He had a mix of recurring nightmares, filtered by new images he had never seen before.

At first he was on Arkanis, and he knew he was younger, even though when he looked down, he couldn't see his body. He was standing on the rocky beach and looking out to the stormy sea, rain hitting his invisible shoulders. There were three bloated corpses of fellow cadets floating in the water before him. Hux knew there were monsters in the waters, and an indescribable fear gripped him as he saw something move in the waves. He wanted to run, but his invisible feet felt nonexistent as well, and he couldn't move them.

What eventually rose out of the deep water was no scaly seamonster, it was Commandant Brendol Hux. Hux swallowed and looked at him as he walked and grew and grew, so that when he reached Hux, he was so vast he obscured the whole sky.

"Armitage", father said in a deep, rumbling voice. "My boy. Don't you remember? The weak must always drown." He smiled icily down at the corpses fluctuating in the riptide at his feet.

"You were never strong enough, but you were clever", the monstrous man thundered. Hux's neck hurt as he looked up into his father's cold eyes. They were a grayer blue than his own. "Is that enough to keep you afloat, do you think? I think you will drown, dear boy, sooner than you think, in cold saltwater." His smile was sharp shark teeth, bloody and rotting.

Hux stumbled back, and then Commandant Hux's face warped, twisted, turned grey and old, and Hux was looking up at Supreme Leader Snoke.

"You're a rabid dog, Hux. Good for an attack but useless as a pet or a companion", Snoke said slowly, enjoying the words. "One more mistake and your failures exceed your uses. Many of my pets salivate at the thought of tearing you apart." Snoke's laughter was a thin, shrill sound, sending shivers down Hux's spine.

The Supreme Leader broke into wisps of vicious black smoke that rose from deep fissures in the ground. Hux was standing in a snowy forest, amid black-barked pinetrees and holes opening in the ground, spitting out sulphurous smoke and bursts of lava. Starkiller base was dying, and Hux was too close to the flames. He turned around and saw Kylo Ren lying broken in the snow, scarlet spreading in the slush around him. There were fissures on his skin too, replacing the wounds. Like in the ground, molten, burning stone surged out and charred his skin.

Hux let out a soft sound and kneeled next to Ren. He tried to close the gaping wound with his hand, but it burned him and he couldn't keep his hand in place for long. Ren had opened his eyes and was looking at Hux with such open, horrible pain in his large brown eyes that Hux felt his own eyes fill with tears. He gasped, the air thick with heat and burning his throat -

And then he was looking at another pair of pleading brown eyes, those of and old, sickly dog, one that had been in the family Hux's whole life. Hux was small again, smaller than he had been on the stormy beach on Arkanis. Little Armie, scared and inconsequential. He clutched the fabric of his mother's skirt in his hands and looked at the dog from behind her. He had pleaded and cried until his voice was rough and father had backhanded him across the face. His split lip was still trembling as looked at the dog, and then at his father who was standing up and moving, and back at the dog -

 

*

 

He woke up in cold sweat, panting and clutching his chest. His heart was beating a mile a minute and his whole body was rocked by vicious shivers. He lifted the covers with shaking hands and climbed out of the sled. He stumbled to the smoldering remains of the fire and put a few branches in it, poking at them with a smaller one and sighing in relief when they caught fire.

He sat down, with his back to a tree and the fire, supplies and the sled all in his field of vision. Ren was still sleeping, thank the stars. He must have made good on his promise to stop eavesdropping to Hux's dreams, because there was no way he could have looked that calm if he was seeing what Hux had seen.

Hux sighed and rubbed at his tired eyes. It was standard for him to have night terrors every once in a while, but rather unusual to have them all in such a nonforgiving burst of pain and fear. He wrapped his arms around himself and pressed his chin to his knees. There was no way he would sleep again tonight.

It was still completely dark. The flickering firelight made the shadows of the trees move in an eerie dance along the edges of the clearing. Looking up, the stars were unusually bright here, almost blinding little pinpricks, like millions of eyes looking down at Hux.

Leaning his head against the rough bark, Hux closed his eyes. In the echoing quiet of the forest at night, he could hear the scuttling of little feet in the darkness around his little clearing. The small animals that had left the tiny footprints were apparently nocturnal, going about their business in the blackness, unbothered by the cold and the dark.

 

*

 

Kylo startled awake. He couldn't remember the dream he had had, but it had left him feeling a little shaky and uncomfortable. He was also very cold. Hux wasn't in the sled.

Kylo sat up and flipped his hair out of his face. Hux had added wood to the fire and was now sitting on the other side of it, looking into the flames. He looked small under his many layers of clothing. His hair was getting greasy and it hung loose on his forehead and framed his face, not neatly slicked back like usual, but its copper tone was stunning in the light of the flames. There was something hurt in his eyes, but he sat straight and strong, mouth in a thin line and hands sgueezed into fists at his sides. Kylo thought he looked lonely, and beautiful.

"Hux", Kylo whispered. Hux looked at him, and his blue eyes were a bottomless pit of despondency. It hurt to look at. It hurt to realize Hux carried that inside him, unbeknownst to anyone but now Kylo. It hurt, in another way, that Hux didn't hide it now.

"Come here", Kylo heard himself say. He didn't mean to comfort Hux physically, he wasn't even sure whether he meant to comfort him at all, but he did as had been his first impulse upon realizing Hux had left his side. He reached out for Hux's mind with his own.

Hux jerked back as he felt the first tentative touch. Kylo had been in his head many times, looking and listening, but he had never consciously made Hux feel it. He had never asked permission before, but he was now. He stroked the edge of Hux's mind, trying to make the sensation soothing and intriguing, something to draw Hux in and make him forget a little.

Hux swallowed, frowned a little, and opened up.

It was simultaneously like a spring morning and a hailstorm. Hux felt soft and warm, like minds usually were near the core, like the touch of a lover. He was curious, falteringly feeling Kylo's hold on him, exploring the fledgeling connection between them, tasting the feeling bleeding over from Kylo. His mind was a stunning kaleidoscope of order and reason and passion and conviction, and Kylo knew he could get lost in there with Hux for hours, for days. Hux was a nebula made of clean lines, a clear opposite to Kylo's chaotic supernova of a mind, and their differences fascinated him.

Kylo knew now that one of the things attracting him to Hux was exactly this, the shape of his mind. Kylo felt the tremendous potential there. Hux wasn't Force sensitive, and he never would be, but there was something about him that felt receptive to it. Kylo had always enjoyed the brief glimpses he got of Hux's thoughts on a daily basis, but this was different. This felt like Kylo had felt with the scavenger girl, like there could be a connection here, an understanding. Like he could teach Hux, and they could be truly powerful together.

Kylo wanted to, but now wasn't the time to bring that up. He kept shifting through Hux, looking and touching, exploring. He passed a jumble of emotions labeled as feelings for Kylo himself, noted the various failed attempts at compartmentalizing and controlling them, masses mixing and flowing and bursting out of neatly stacked boxes. He did Hux the courtesy of not examining any of them too closely, at least not yet.

There was a darkness about Hux right now that Kylo had felt on him before, but that was rarely there in this capacity. It was uncertainty, pain and sorrow, self-doubt, rage and harted, directed at both the universe and at Hux himself. It was all roiling free today, wreaking havoc on the contained, controlled efficiency of Hux's normal thought process. It had been unleashed by - a dream? Kylo reached for a dark bruise in the middle of the swirling mass of hurt, but Hux curled around it and hissed. Kylo didn't have the clearance yet.

No matter. He could distract and soothe even better that he could disentangle and heal. _Come here_ , Kylo said again, this time straight into Hux's mind. _I can help you forget. I can show you things you've never seen before._ He reached out a hand towards Hux.

Hux no longer hesitated. He rose, walked the short distance between them, and let Kylo pull him into his arms.

 

*

 

In any other situation, letting Kylo Ren delve into the deepest reaches of his mind might have sounded like the worst idea Hux had ever had. Right now though, it was a relief to focus on what Ren was feeling, what he was looking at inside Hux's head, rather than wallowing in the anxiety and discomfort the nightmares had left behind. Ren was a loud, imposing presence, but it felt good to have him in there. He rubbed some things wrong and others very, very right. His wonder at the order of Hux's mind helped him remember it was there, helped him grasp it and use it to calm down.

Ren moved around, large and a little clumsy, knocking things over. He stumbled into childhood memories and battle plans, crude jokes and nights drinking with Phasma and recollections of Hux and Ren's brief, impersonal encounters. He left the last alone, moving them gently aside and focusing on nice things, things that calmed Hux and made him feel good. He could feel Ren laughing at Hux's rudest opinions on his fellow generals and his wry humour often left unshared with anyone. He could feel Ren sidestepping difficult and complicated topics and just moving through his mind, looking and admiring.

Hux was dimly aware he was back in the sled, Ren's arms around him and chin resting on the top of his head. He was warm, and Ren was inside him in perhaps the best way he had ever been. Ren felt that thought, chuckled warmly and mumbled sweet nothings in Hux's mind. He caught a song Hux's mother had once sung to little Armie to comfort him after a scraped knee. Hux had forgotten that. Ren sang it to him, slower, voice a little scratchy but soft like velvet, wrapping around Hux's thoughts like a warm quilt.

Hux pressed his face closer into Ren's chest and fumbled in his mind to push a sensation of calm and contentment at Ren. He caught it and sent back a wave of pride and excitement. There was a fleeting picture of Hux getting better at this, easily sending and receivinng thoughts. There was an image of Ren showing him things about the Force, the unbreakable stability and balance of it, how such greatness made one feel small but content in that smallness. The peace Ren felt when he meditated and communed with the Force felt familiar to Hux now, though he couldn't understand much about it. _Yet_ , Ren whispered to him through the Force, _but I could help you understand. I can help you to submerge yourself in it, to feel that immeasurable peace and wholeness... Hux, I will, if you'll let me._

Hux could feel it in Ren, a craving for someone to listen to him, understand all this. He found he wanted to be that person, perhaps, some day. For now though, this was enough. _Not now... not yet_ , Hux sent shakily back. Ren's amazement at his success was like a ray of sunlight, bursting from behind the clouds after one has been in the dark for too long.

 _You're right. We'll save that for later. Let's just sleep now_ , Ren whispered and wrapped around him tighter, both in the sled where he was holding Hux to keep him warm, and in their minds where he was holding Hux to keep him calm and centered. And Hux accepted the touch, allowing Ren to pull him down into a shared dream.


	5. Plants awoke and they slowly grow beneath the skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux learns things about the Force and Kylo learns things about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from OMAM's Human.

They dreamed together for the remainder of the night. 

It was thankfully insignificant, just the two of them on the bridge of the Finalizer, looking down at a snowy planet. Hux couldn’t say whether it was the Starkiller or Carlia. Before now, he had never realized just how similar the two looked. 

Ren was standing beside Hux, wearing his helmet. It was unsettling suddenly, not to be able to see his face. Hux had got so used to his eyes and his expressive mouth, his unconventional but still somehow alluring features. 

Ren turned to look at him and Hux instinctively knew he had heard what Hux had just been thinking. 

_Do you want me to take this off?_ Ren sent the question straight into Hux's mind. In a dream like this, it was easy for Hux to send his answer back the same way. _Don't you think we should be somewhere more private, if we are to start undressing, lord Ren?_

He felt the burst of Ren's amused surprise at that, and then, at a flick of his hand, they were elsewhere. 

Hux looked around him and was surprised to find they were in the academy library on Arkanis. It consisted of endless corridors and quiet rooms situated beneath the academy building, littered with consoles and data banks in every nook and cranny. This particular room was a rarely used one, the furthest away from the library's main entrance. 

_Why this place?_ Hux asked Ren, who was looking around curiously. _I hadn't known you've visited Arkanis before._

_I haven't_ , Ren said. _I just picked a calm memory from your mind. Is this alright? Where are we?_

"In the archives of the officers' academy on Arkanis", Hux explained and stepped up to a console. He pulled up a map of the Core worlds he remembered spending a lot of time looking at with contempt and longing. 

"My father used to run this school. It wasn't a pleasant place. Brendol Hux wasn't a pleasant man. I trust you know all about it." 

Ren came closer to look at the screen as well. "Not much", he said tentatively. Hux received an image of Snoke offhandedly mentioning some insignificant fact from Hux's past, and Ren researching him after, eager to dig up any dirt on Hux that he could. There hadn't been much information to be found. Hux was pleased; he had worked hard to remove all but the barest hints about his past from the official records. 

He looked at Coruscant on the map. Princess Leia had been a senator there for a time. 

"There is no information of the records about you either", he remarked. Ren's true parentage wasn't on there, nor his original name, birthplace, or even his species. 

"It serves a purpose, to be unknowable", Ren said, "Makes it easy to frighten people into doing what you want them to do, when they know nothing about you and you have ways of knowing everything about them." Hux had to agree: it did have its uses. But hiding behind a mask and pretending to be a monster also removed Ren from other people, made him completely alone. Perhaps lonely? 

"Yes, it does", Ren admitted startlingly. "I guess that's why I'm so stuck on the idea of teaching you." 

Hux chuckled. "It's been a long time since I last had a teacher. It's near impossible to imagine you as one. All the teachers here were so professional. Rather patient, too." 

Ren huffed at that. "I could be! I'd be a great teacher! I have experience with that kind of thing, you know." 

"I suppose professionalism is relative", Hux mused, still looking at Coruscant. "Our teachers here had it in spades, but they were ridiculously naïve for military men. They told us we would all be important and powerful, that the Core was our birthright. We were supposed to be welcomed with open arms, appreciated as cooperatives and leaders. In reality, of course, we were all forced into exile in the unknown regions, with no place in the Core, no Empire to build and protect... While all the rich houses on Corellia and Coruscant made alliances with the new Republic with _remarkable_ eagerness, never mind that they severed ties with the crumbling empire only days or hours before." His voice had gone cold with anger. His distaste for the rich elite of the Core was no secret, nor his anger at them for daring to doubt and distrust the First Order as the successor to the Galactic Empire. 

Ren hummed in agreement. "Have you visited Coruscant often lately?" 

"All too often", Hux scoffed, "on Order business. I almost prefer Carlia, to be honest. At least there I don't have to grovel and suck up to any opulent twats to secure funds. It's truly a welcome relief to not have to pretend to like anyone." 

Ren laughed. "Yes, you definitely see no reason to hide any distaste for me." 

"Obviously not. Any blow to your humongous ego is more than deserved, and certainly good for you." 

Ren made an affronted sound, but seemed to take the ribbing in good humour for once. "I could say the same for you, general. But what do you say we drop on Coruscant for a while, just to judge people and steal their food?" His tone was playful. Hux was so intrigued he had to say yes. Ren took his hand and, in another flash, they changed places again. 

For the rest of the night, they flitted through Ren's hazy childhood memories of fancy galas and celebrations. They had all too much fun, stealing food and drinks off passing trays, laughing at all the ridiculous clothes and hairdos and dance moves around them. Hux despised of all the needless extravagance, and it was a nice change to get to mock it with someone of similar opinions. Ren had multiple funny stories of the antics of these people that he remembered hearing as a child, and he seemed to take great pleasure in relaying them to Hux as viciously as possible. 

 

* 

 

Hux woke up feeling warm and almost content, despite the beginnings of a headache behind his eyes and his craving for caffeine. Ren opened his big, sleepy eyes and groaned at Hux. "Is this how you feel every morning before your caf? It's horrible. Please drink some right now." 

Hux staggered out of the sled and went to rummage through their supplies in search of the caf powder. "Or you could get out of my head for a change." 

Ren pulled away carefully, and Hux heard him sigh in bliss as the symptoms of addiction ceased. It was a little unnerving to feel Ren's absence all of a sudden, and it was unfair he had to suffer through his symptoms alone. At least Ren heated his water for him. 

"So", Ren mumbled through his breakfast of protein bars, "How about that training?" 

"What would it entail, exactly?" 

Ren grinned at him. "Are you considering it?" 

"Only considering, mind you", Hux scowled. 

"Sure. First, we need an objective. What exactly is it that you'd like to accomplish? 

Hux gathered his thoughts for a moment as he started packing their things back into the sled. It was unexpectedly considerate of Ren to ask, but honestly Hux had no idea how to even begin going about this. He had always thought of the Force as something strange and untrustworthy. It had seemed to have its uses, but ultimately, he had deemed it a waste of time and resources. This view was in part inherited from his father, who had despised the concentration of Force-users on Arkanis. 

Later, Hux had obviously had to reconsider his opinions. The Supreme Leader's power, as well as the time spent stationed on the Finalizer together with Ren had showed him that the Force truly was a formidable weapon. It would be good to learn to at least understand it a little, preferably even to use some of its aspects himself. 

"I want to have control over my dreams like you do, and to shield my mind", he said. "That communication thing would be useful. And I suppose it would be good to learn about the Force in general, as well." 

Ren was nodding along. "All of those should be possible, even though you're not Force-sensitive. Dream things are the easiest to work with while actually dreaming, so we'll save them for later. We should start with communication. After you have that down, everything gets easier." 

That sounded fine. They started walking towards the North again, and Hux was once again glad they were both in good physical condition, as all this walking would have been rough on a softer person. Still, he had to admit, at least to himself, that he was feeling the strain. He knew that by the end of the day, his joints would be aching, as well as every muscle in his thighs and arms. Probably his back too. He made a mental note to make more time for exercise in his daily schedule when they eventually returned to the Finalizer. As a general, his duties took up so much time and energy, that he often just fell into bed and was asleep in seconds after entering his rooms. There would have to be a change if he wished to actually stay in shape for the years to come. 

Ren instructed Hux to clear his mind of thoughts and focus only on the present. 

"Let's do a starting level assessment. Focus your thoughts, think of a simple sentence and try sending it to me. Just a few words", Ren said as he switched the sled's reins from his left hand to the right. He wasn't even out of breath, and Hux resented him for it. 

He looked around for inspiration, and saw, as always on Carlia, trees, more trees, and a few more damned trees. He focused until he found Ren on the outskirts of his mind and sent _I hate trees._

Ren didn't get it. He told Hux to focus harder, and Hux tried again, and again.

Why was it so difficult? He could feel Ren right there, but the message just was not going through. After several minutes of walking in silence, Hux screaming his hatred for the local flora inside his head, while Ren just kept looking at him with wide, expectant eyes and an encouraging expression, Hux had had enough. "Are you absolutely certain you're not getting anything?" 

Ren maintained his poker face for a few seconds longer, and then succumbed to an unattractive chortle. "I've been getting images of trees and an intense feeling of disgust and rage for the last few minutes?" He had the nerve to fucking _giggle_. Hux directed that 'feeling of intense disgust and rage' at Ren himself, which got him another burst of laughter, but also a wave of encouraging excitement. 

"Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to see your face", Ren wheezed, "But seriously, this won't be too difficult. You can't do words yet, but images and feelings are coming across fine. That's how it usually goes. Words are the hardest for everyone who's starting out." 

Hux huffed, still annoyed, but also felt just a little bit exhilarated. Perhaps something would actually become of this mad attempt after all. 

"Let's keep going", Ren said. "Try focusing on the shape of the words, imagine you own voice enunciating them clearly." Hux cleared his thoughts as well as he could and tried again. 

 

* 

 

When they finally took a break around two hours later, Hux was both mentally and physically drained, but progress had been made. According to Ren, the words he'd managed to send were quiet and fleeting, but understandable. 

Hux sat down on the snowy ground and leaned back against a tree. It was about the only thing that the useless things were good for. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the bark. His headache was back in full force, and he felt a little woozy. Ren rummaged around in the sled for food, and Hux commanded him to make him a cup of caf too. "I've earned it. This is bloody exhausting!" 

Ren laughed at him, but made him a cup anyway. Hux washed two painkillers down with it. 

"This has been great, but I think I'm done for the day", he moaned as he accepted an opened can of peach preserves Ren handed him. 

"Yeah, I guess this is enough for the day. Might start with the dreams tonight though, it doesn't mess with the quality of your sleep and starting out, it's pretty simple stuff." Ren sat down near Hux and attacked his own meal with fervor. 

"Never imagined I'd have _you_ as my _padawan_ ", he mused with his mouth full. 

Hux almost choked on the peach he was eating. "We both know that's not what this is!" He coughed. "Besides, aren't the sith supposed to have apprentices instead of padawans? And isn't it a requirement to kill one's master first?" 

Ren inclined his head in acknowledgement, but his expression was strange, like he was holding something back. "Yes, but I'm no sith. I'm not bound by their rules. I've trained people before." 

Hux shuddered to think of the sheer arrogance and self-importance that would undoubtedly roll off of Ren for years if he ever could count himself among the great, evil masters of old. He would surely become even more unbearably smug than he already was. And what would his name be, anyway? Darth Tantrum? Darth Daddy Issues? 

"And you'll never be my master, no matter what you may teach me", Hux said calmly. Despite any delusions Ren might still have about their places in the Order and in Supreme Leader's regime, their positions were equal, and Hux had no intention of ever submitting to Ren in any way. 

"I know", Ren said softly. "You fancy yourself uncontrollable, all-powerful. The greatest General there ever was." There was a mocking edge to the words that made Hux bristle, but he couldn't help imagining them falling from those lips in a different situation, coloured with honesty and admiration. 

He sighed and ate the last piece of fruit from the can, and then drank the sugary juice. Next, he began to nibble on a protein bar. After days of eating large quantities of them, he was really starting to get tired of the dull, musty taste.

"Tell me about your knights. They're the ones you taught, right?" Hux had met a few of them over the years, but they never exactly talked, and Hux didn't know much about them. He was aware two of them were stationed on the Resurgent-class star destroyer Conqueror, similarly to Ren's position on the Finalizer. Hux pitied the general in charge of the ship. His Ren was enough trouble on his own, Hux couldn't even imagine what life would have been like with two of them running around, wreaking havoc. 

Ren nodded. "One of them was with the Supreme Leader before me, two came along with me and three I found and trained myself from the start. It's... Well, I would describe us as a kind of family, except the word doesn't exactly mean trust and companionship for the two of us, does it?"

Hux laughed, wry. It certainly didn't. "But that's what you have? Companionship and trust?"

"Yes. Even though we rarely see each other now, it creates a special kind of bond, training together, learning to know the Force together."

Ren seemed to want that with Hux as well, but Hux couldn't really imagine why, if he already had a 'family' of Force-users.

"We should get going again", Hux sighed and rose to his feet. "I'd really like to find a stream of some kind, or else you're really going to have to melt snow for us bathe in. We're starting to get worryingly low on drinking water too."

Ren agreed, and so they packed everything away and kept on walking. 

 

* 

 

Kylo could feel the pulsing of Hux's headache. It was unpleasant and he didn't really need to experience it, could just draw away and stay in his own mind, but he found he didn't want to. Hux's annoyance in the back of his mind was a constant now, he had grown used to it. He also wanted to keep tabs on Hux's pain level and the slight dizziness Hux wouldn't admit to experiencing, but which was still there. It might've been a slight miscalculation on his part, to make Hux do that much work with his mind when he already had a concussion and simultaneously had to exert his body. Kylo wanted to make sure Hux wasn't about to faint. 

It had been amazing, hearing and feeling Hux's success and advancement, in the space of a few hours. It truly helped that the general already had impeccable control of his mind, at least when awake. When they would go to sleep tonight, Kylo would make sure to keep Hux's dreams as peaceful as possible, to help him rest and gain back his strength. 

Kylo couldn't help imagining how much easier all this would be, were they still on the Finalizer like usual. They could meet every night to work on Hux's skills, with no distractions like concussions and general exhaustion. They could also move to communicating over distances, which they couldn't do here. 

Kylo was really starting to get fed up with the whole planet. It felt like there was nothing here but these trees, tall and dark and interchangeable. Kylo was sick of the soft never-ending snowfall, of the snowflakes clinging to his eyelashes and melting in his eyes, of being cold and hungry all the time. They had to spare food, in case it took longer than anticipated to find the town they were looking for, but it was really starting to get on his nerves to only be able to eat a little. His larger body burned energy faster than Hux's, and he was starting to feel the deficiency. It wouldn't be a problem for a long while yet, but it was unpleasant. 

The little animal tracks crisscrossing the snow everywhere caught his eye. He would probably soon have to start hunting and eating the, as of yet unseen, little things that only came down from the trees at night. 

 

* 

 

They had been walking for a few hours after their break, when Kylo finally spotted it. At first it was just a fleeting glimmer between the dense trunks, but as they got a little closer, Kylo turned to Hux and smiled. 

"You see that? I think there's water ahead!" 

Hux's head whipped to look back ahead, and then they were both running towards it like little children sprinting to a sandy beach, eager for a swim. They burst out of the trees to the icy banks of the river, panting and grinning. It was no beach on a paradise island, but it was running water, clean and cold, and almost more important than that, it brought a most welcome change to the scenery. It really started to eat at one's sanity, looking at the exact same landscape for days on end. 

They just stood there for a while, side by side, looking at the water. The river was around 50 meters wide, and the current was slow. It was calming to look at, but it also raised a new problem. Hux voiced what they were both thinking: 

"On one hand, this is great news. We can fill the canisters and have that long needed bath... but on the other, there's still not a single sign on civilization. And we need to get across this river somehow." 

"We could walk along the bank to see if we can find a bridge", Kylo said slowly, "That would mean there have been people nearby as well... but I think we should just cross the river here and keep going." 

"Do you intend to float us over it?" Hux looked extra sneery, which Kylo took to mean he was nervous. 

"Yes. Get in the sled", Kylo ordered. "Or would you prefer to swim?" Hux sniffed and sat daintily in the sled among the blankets, food packages and other supplies, looking for all the world like he did this every day. 

"Hold on tight", Kylo warned, and then he reached out with the Force. He felt out the shape and weight of the sled, the latter of which wasn't much increased by the man perched in it. Hux always was slight as a stick inside that bulky greatcoat of his, Kylo thought, as he smoothly lifted the sled off the ground. For him, moving things had always been one of the easiest ways to use the Force, and he had no trouble getting Hux and the sled safely and steadily across the river. He couldn't help making them wobble a little when they were already above solid ground on the other side. Kylo chuckled as he heard Hux yelping in an undignified manner, but he made the rest of the landing smooth. Hux was cursing Kylo as he climbed out of the sled on the opposite bank when Kylo floated off the ground himself. 

He took a moment to just look at the water below him and revel in his own power. He hadn't been able to reach Snoke with his mind at all after the crash, and the Supreme Leader had made no visits in his dreams. It had been months, perhaps years, since Kylo had last been so completely removed from Snoke for such a long time, though it had only lasted a few days so far. It was startling to realize the effect Snoke had on him, because he was so used to it that it had stopped being noticeable. Now, however, when he had been completely free of Snoke's influence for a scant few days, he was starting to notice the difference. It was like a veil had been lifted from his eyes. Everything was clearer than before. His own power, his surroundings, his connection to Hux... 

It felt as though his usual state was to walk in a thick fog, where the only completely visible, tangible things were his rage, his current mission, and Snoke. It raised the uncomfortable question of whether Snoke deliberately kept his hold on Kylo so strong it dimmed all other aspects of life around him. 

Kylo had always believed Snoke was the key to harnessing all his power, the only way he could to become stronger, to keep growing and learning, but he was starting to question that conviction now. Snoke wasn't here right now, helping and guiding him, but Kylo felt fine. No, he felt _fantastic_. He was teaching a non-force-sensitive person to use the Force through him, which he had never heard of anyone accomplishing before. He felt freer here, than he had ever felt in Snoke's citadel, which was supposed to be the best place for him in the world. 

He felt just as strong right here as he had ever felt in the citadel. He felt centered and aware and powerful, just like this. Here, on this tiny, insignificant planet, alone with a general he knew he had been meant to hate. 

His feet touched the ground on the other side of the river. His face must have been doing something strange, because Hux asked tentatively, "Ren? Did something happen?" 

Kylo looked at him. His dirty hair, his pale skin, the confusion in his eyes, the straightness of his posture and the slim shoulders encased in layers upon layers of clothing. Hux looked completely ordinary and yet like the most gorgeous thing Kylo had ever seen. He swallowed and allowed himself to brush against Hux's mind, the severe cut of it, the hard but still fragile shell encasing the magnificent brightness and power inside. He felt it calling for him, that strength, like the dark side of the Force called for him. 

"No. No, everything's alright", he said and took a step towards Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was an idiot and accidentally deleted over half of this chapter this morning. I had to write it all over again and I'm now pretty exhausted, which is why the chapter is a little shorter that planned. There's more coming in a few days though :)


	6. Bend the metal into shapes that I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from OMAM's Winter Sound.

Ren glided over the water, slow and soft, eyes cast down to the churning black water. He looked strange, like he had realized something just now, and it made him uneasy. When he touched the ground near Hux and turned to look at him, there was a fire in his eyes Hux had never seen before. He had seen Ren furious and scared and passionate, but this was something else. He radiated a new kind of power, and it pulled Hux in like a magnet.

Ren said everything was alright, but Hux wasn't so sure. He had sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree because the flight in the sled hade made him feel somewhat nauseous. He was about to stand back up again, but then Ren was moving towards him. He came close to Hux and kneeled in the snow before him, putting his hand on Hux's cheek.

"Ren, _what_ -" Hux began, indignant, but was cut off by a surge of power that flowed into him from Ren's fingers. It felt like an electrical current, jolting through Hux, raising the hairs on his arms and at the back of his neck, making his heart beat erratically. Hux gasped, and the air around him held a sharp scent, like ozone.

Ren's power was flowing through the both of them, streaming from his hand into Hux and back again. Ren looked at Hux like he was a wonder. Hux looked back, taking in the fierce joy in Ren's wide eyes, the faint grin on his lips, the way his hair floated in the current radiating from his skin as if he was submerged in water. He looked radiant, more like a being of magic, like the jedi were in myths, than the human man Hux had come to know.

 _What happened to you?_ Hux asked, and only after it had left his mind and entered Ren's did he notice that he had sent it instead of saying the words out loud. It was as easy as breathing like this, with Ren letting the Force stream into Hux through his hand.

 _I don't know_ , Ren sent back, sounding astonished and a little giddy, _I just realized some things. I just feel better than I've felt in years._ Hux could feel it, how powerful Ren felt all of a sudden, how conscious he was of the streaming water, of the falling snowflakes, of the blood surging through both their veins, of the buzz of Hux's thoughts. This awareness was somehow shining and new.

He could also feel how aware Ren was of Hux right there in front of him, unconsciously leaning forward, pressing his cheek into the hand cupping it. He could feel how aware Ren was of his position on the ground before Hux, kneeling between his thighs, so very close to him. How Ren felt the pull between them too, how his eyes kept straying from Hux's eyes to his parted lips.

Hux wanted so badly to lean in. He wanted to kiss Ren, to find out whether this new power had a taste as well as a scent... But he shouldn't. He wouldn't. This was Ren drunk on his newfound power, horny and looking for an easy outlet. Hux was just a body Ren thought he could use for the night.

Hux wouldn't have it. He drew in a shaking breath and turned his head away slightly. Ren yanked his hand away like burnt. Hux instantly mourned the loss of the overwhelming feeling of power.

"We should have that bath. Set up camp, too. It's getting dark, so I think we should stay here for the night." Hux tried to keep his voice calm, and was rather proud of how well he managed it.

"Right. Right, yeah." Ren shook his head, stood up quickly and lifted everything out of the sled and onto the ground with the Force. Then he pulled the sled to the water's edge to see about filling it and heating the water.

Hux busied himself with building a fire next to a copse of spruces they could sleep in later. He didn't want to be cold after his bath, and it would also be nice to have hot food again. He quickly gathered some broken-off branches and assembled them into a suitable pile. He opened two cans of meat and set them next to the pile.

"Are you almost done with that?" He called out to Ren. "Please light this fire. I'd rather not get pneumonia or die of hypothermia in the night."

Ren came over and used his sabre to light the dry wood. He dug two bottles out of the various bags in the pile he had lifted from the sled. Hux was glad for Ren's vanity for once, as he hadn't thought to bring any shampoo along himself.

"I'll take the first turn, if you don't mind", Ren said curtly. Hux nodded, and Ren went back to the sled, now filled with hot water and wafting steam into the cool winter air. Ren stripped all his clothing unceremoniously on the way, dropping them into an untidy pile and getting into the water as fast as he could. Hux could hear him sigh in relief as he sat in the water, and was hit by a wave of envy. He couldn't wait for his own turn and wanted to be in the water as quickly as possible after Ren had finished and made him a new sledful. He shrugged off his insulation coat in advance.

Hux saw Ren moving out of the corner of his eye. He shouldn't have turned to look, but he couldn't help it. He had never seen Ren fully naked before, and his eyes returned to his form every time he tried to turn them elsewhere. Ren's pale skin was scattered with light pink scars and constellations of moles and freckles, all of which Hux wanted to trail with kisses, from Ren's stupidly wide shoulders to his thick arms and sculpted chest and muscled stomach, all the way down to his half-hard cock, nestled in dark curls between his huge thighs.

Hux's eyes followed the droplets sliding down Ren's skin and felt a blush rise to his cheeks. Ren was ridiculously big in every way, and Hux wanted to touch him everywhere so bad, it was embarrassing.

Ren was massaging shampoo into his hair and scalp, suds sliding down his chest and dropping into the water in the sled. Hux wanted to do that, sit in the bath with Ren and bury his hands into Ren's hair.

As if he had heard Hux thoughts - and knowing Ren, he probably had - he looked up at Hux. Hux averted his eyes and felt his face flush hotter. Fuck. This was getting truly awkward. He wondered what Ren was thinking. Obviously he was aroused and wanted Hux, but other than that? Hux had no idea, and he certainly wasn't refined enough of a mind reader that he could go snooping around in Ren's head undetected, no matter how strong and easy to use their connection felt right now.

"You could just come here, you know", Ren said. His voice was calm, but Hux could feel the want rolling off him in waves. Ren was probably intentionally letting it through. Hux's eyes met Ren's again, and he saw the same desire there that roiled around inside him, felt the pull of the Force between them again. He remained strong and unswayed, though. He wouldn't let Ren do any more harm to the precious scraps of self-control Hux had left.

"Or you could hurry it up a little", he snapped and turned his back to Ren.

He resisted the urge to pull at his hair and groan in despair. Why did all these horrible things have to happen to him? As if it wasn't awful enough to be stuck on this damned planet with his worst personal enemy, he now had to also cope with mutual sexual tension with the man. He couldn't allow it to be resolved, because that would only lead in him starting to imagine grand romantic things and getting his stupid heart broken by the stubborn oaf currently splashing around in the sled.

Ren was finally done, and changed the water for Hux. It felt like heaven to finally sit in the hot water and wash days' worth of grime off his skin and hair. He scrubbed himself pink and squeaky clean with the shower gel that smelled like citrus, and finally felt like a human being again. He rinsed himself off and reached for a blanket he had laid out nearby.

Getting out of the bath was hell. The cold air bit at his skin and instantly raised goosebumps everywhere. Hux scrambled into clean stormtrooper gear, wrapped himself in another one of Ren's cloaks, his own insulation coat, and two of their blankets, and he was still cold. Thankfully Ren had kept the fire going. Hux huddled as close to it as he could without his clothes catching on fire, and reached for the food with trembling hands.

They ate silently and then dried the sled and pulled it to the spruces without so much as a word. Hux could feel Ren's confusion at the sudden change in Hux's mood, but he didn't feel inclined to explain anything. If Ren was dim enough not to get it, Hux definitely wouldn't help him. Quite the opposite actually, he was glad of Ren's failure to understand Hux's lapses in judgement and the foolish drops in his standards.

Ren placed the mattress and blankets back into the sled, and they both got in. If Hux didn't resist as Ren pulled him close and buried his nose in the short hair at the back of Hux's neck, it was only because he was still cold and Ren, like always, gave off warmth and comfort like a space heater. Hux closed his eyes and tried to relax.

 

*

 

Armie was lost. He was in a forest he didn't remember ever having visited before. It certainly wasn't on Arkanis, because there was sunlight streaming through the canopy and he heard birds singing. The air was dry and warm insread of damp, and smelled like earth, not like the ocean. He was so busy looking up at the light green leaves that he literally ran into the boy who suddenly appeared in front of him on the trail.

"Woah! Sorry!", Armie yelped and caught himself on the boy's shoulder. The boy seemed to be maybe around four years younger than Armie, so probably eight or nine years old. He was dressed in a light gray tunic and brown pants, and he had a sweet smile.

"It's okay", the boy said. "Who are you? I'm Ben. I didn't know there was anyone else here." He was a little shorter than Armie and had an awkward-looking face, dark eyes and wavy black hair. He looked at Armie expectantly.

"I'm Armie", Armie said and then winced. He should've already learned to go by his last name, but calling himself Hux just didn't come quite naturally yet.

"Nice to meet you! Have you ever seen anyone do things with the Force?"

Armie hadn't. His father had always said it was some useless witchcraft, even though Darth Vader, one of Emperor Palpatine's closest followers had been a mighty Force-user. Could this boy be one too?

"No. Can you show me?"

Ben could. He took Armie to a lighter spot, where the sunlight had warmed the mossy ground, and told him to sit. There Armie witnessed some of the most amazing things he had ever seen in his life, and he had seen a glipse of a monster in the sea on Arkanis, and the construction site of a huge, new star destroyer. Those things, while awesome on their own, paled next to this little boy and his magic.

Ben called rocks from the ground and they burrowed their way up like worms, piling into towers and settling into circles around Ben and Armie. Ben could make them dance in the air. He could call to the birds in the trees and get a few of them to fly down and perch on his hand, on Armie's knee.

"How did you learn this?" He asked the strange boy.

"My mom and uncle taught me. I'm going away to study with my uncle soon. He has some other students too, who are like me." Ben looked a little sad. "Mom doesn't have the time anymore and dad's never home with us. It's better for me to go with uncle Luke."

Armie felt compelled to share something in return. "I don't live with my parents either. Or I live at the academy where my father lives, but I almost never see him because I live in the dormitories with other boys my age. I don't remember much about my mother. She died years ago."

"That sucks", Ben said quietly and laid a hand on Armie's shoulder. "What's it like, living with other people your age? I never have."

"Not very nice", Armie admitted. "Some of them are cruel, and most are really stupid. Lately they're always talking about girls too, as if they're somehow interesting all of a sudden."

Ben laughed. It was a cute laugh, awkward like the rest of him, but warm. Ben showed Armie many more things he could do with the Force. He seemed to love an audience. Armie thought that perhaps people usually didn't pay much attention to Ben, but he couldn't understand why. This boy sitting in the grass next to him and controlling the universe around him with easy flicks of his fingers was one of the most interesting people Armie had ever met. There was an underlying sadness about him, a quiet storm beneath the surface. Armie felt it there through some unseen connection that had appeared between him and Ben.

Armie looked up to see the birds in the trees, and was startled to fing the sunlight diminished to a sickly, pale glow. The slivers of sky he could see through the leaves had been bright blue before, but now they were a murky grey.

This was a dream, wasn't it? He had a feeling it was very different to what he was doing in the real world. That he was very different.

He turned his gaze back to Ben, and was startled again. He looked much the same, but had grown years in the few seconds Armie had been looking away.

In the seconds that _Hux_ had been looking away. He wasn't small either anymore, soft little Armie a mere memory of the past. He was a lieutenant now, long since graduated from the academy and approaching his twenty-first birthday. He hadn't called himself Armie in years.

Ben was looking at him strangely, like he noticed something had changed, but couldn't quite remember what it was. He was taller now, probably taller than Hux. He would be around seventeen now, bigger but still lanky, still growing into his large features, his big hands and feet. He was wearing a light cream-colored robe and his hair was still short and unruly. He had a strange, single braid behind his ear now, probably some jedi custom.

Hux still wanted to see more of his skills with the Force. The Supreme Leader was rumored to be a Force-user, and Hux hungered to know everything about it, anything to help him when he eventually rose through the ranks high enough to warrant contact with Snoke. He asked Ben to show him more, and he did. He made them both float off the ground, still in sitting positions. He made the rocks arranged into careful circles around them lift off and crash into each other in the air with sharp precision, crushing each other to sand.

This newfound violence alerted Hux to the feeling of a nameless darkness clinging to Ben. Hux wanted to ask about it, but he couldn't find the words. The peaceful sadness he had seen in the younger Ben's eyes was grown into a pit of desperate loneliness, and Hux felt inexplicably like something integral in this boy had been broken.

"Ben -", he began, but Ben interrupted him.

"Could - could you call me Kylo?" He seemed nervous, eyes flitting to Hux's and back to the ground. "I... I go by that now. I know it's strange -"

"No, it's alright, Kylo. I've changed too. I go by Hux now." He could call this boy whatever he wanted to be called. Stars knew Hux himself had been called by enough names he hadn't chosen himself. He wouldn't wish that on the sweet, lonely being looking at him with such gratitude right now. Had he asked his family and friends to call him Kylo and they hadn't listened to him? Or was it a new thing, one he was just trying out, too afraid of rejection to bring it up with others yet?

"Hux", Kylo said thoughtfully. "I like it. It suits you."

Hux smiled, and Kylo grinned back at him. It was the grin of a wild thing, one unleashed from the bindings of the jedi order with their rules and regulations. Hux had read up on them, and Kylo was nothing like the ideal jedi knight, centered and calm.

Hux couldn't help feeling like this was a better way for Kylo to be, a more real one, if not as peaceful and painless. He had such raw power and such unaltered passion for that power. Hux knew that had seventeen years old Armie met this Kylo, this fumbling, beautiful, powerful boy, he would have developed a massive crush on him right away. As it was, Hux felt a strong pull towards Kylo and a fierce need to protect him.

That protectiveness reared its head back and growled when Kylo finally, haltingly and with reverence, told Hux about the voice in his head, whispering to him ancient secrets, helping him grow stronger, leading him on a path different than that of the traditional jedi, a darker one. Hux saw that the darkness in Kylo was a mark of that voice, a claim on him. He took Kylo's hand and squeezed, wanting to pull him close and away from the shadow.

Kylo looked at him, like he was something new, something beautiful. He used his grip on Hux's hand to pull him close and lay a soft, uncertain kiss at the corner of his mouth.

Hux shouldn't have, but he kissed Kylo back, deep and slow, enjoying his taste and the clumsy, eager sweetness born from his inexperience. Kylo was a lonely boy, soft and lovely and hurting, and Hux knew this wasn't something he had the right to take from him, even in a dream. He pulled away, stilling Kylo with a hand on his cheek when he tried to follow. Hux saw the confusion and hurt in Kylo's eyes as he started to back away, and he couldn't take that either. He leaned his forehead on Kylo's and tried to fix it. "You're a little young for me right now, Kylo. We shouldn't have done that."

Kylo buried his face in Hux's neck, ashamed. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." 

It was amazing how he was so open still, so vulnerable. Hux kissed his hair and let slip things he shouldn't have, things he distantly realized he would regret immensely when he woke. "It's alright. How about you try this out again when we're older, okay?"

Kylo tightened his hold on Hux's hand. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Maybe we'll both be on the same page one day." Hux leaned his cheek on Kylo's soft hair and closed his eyes. Maybe one day they'd be ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I really like dreams yet? I'm so sorry for making this fic like 60% dreams.
> 
> I'm also sorry for making Hux a bit of a tease and Kylo a bit of a moron. Please bear with them. And me.
> 
> Updates are going to get a little slower from now on as the hols are over and real life starts kicking my ass again, but I promise there will be at least one chapter per week, and they will be longer than this one. Comments are what keeps me going, I'd love to hear what you think of the story so far! <3


	7. Stealing your heart away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from OMAM's Love love love.

Kylo woke before the sun. Morning was just around the corner, so it wasn't completely dark anymore. Everything was quiet and still except for his thoughts and Hux's soft breathing. Kylo's head was pillowed on Hux's chest, and when he focused, he could hear his steady heartbeat.

Traces of the strange energy from yesterday were still lingering on them, sparking along Kylo's skin and making him feel awake and alert. He reveled in the awareness that the power lived in him, less prominent now after the burst that was yesterday, but present and available nonetheless. If he needed to, he could easily reach inside and get a hold of it.

He didn't want to rise yet, so he just lifted his head from Hux's chest and moved into a more comfortable position, lying on his side and pulling Hux's warm body close. He arranged the man in his arms so that he was holding him from behind, chest pressed to his back and knees fitting perfectly against the backs of Hux's.

They fit so well together like this. Why wasn't it the same when they were both awake? True, they had been competing against each other for years, antagonizing and hurting one another at every turn, but even then they'd managed to have spectacular sex. Now, they were getting along much better, awake and in dreams, but there was no sex because Hux wouldn't let it happen.

Why not? Kylo knew Hux wanted it, and he knew Hux knew Kylo wanted it too, so why refuse? It had been so good before. Hux's dream during their first night on Carlia had made Kylo realize it could be even better. He had never imagined that instead of getting them both off as fast and rough as possible, he could be gentle. Now the image of touching Hux softly wouldn't leave him alone. He found himself constantly imagining it, gentling Hux, kissing his lips and his neck, fucking him slow and deep and keeping their connection open for all of it. Holding him close, after.

Such intimacy had been unthinkable for so long, it was a bit of a shock to find himself craving it so strongly now. And an equal shock was realizing that there was nothing here to keep Kylo from getting what he wanted. No Snoke who would disapprove and deny him, no missions to keep him away from Hux.

He pulled Hux a little closer. He was clean and fresh now, smelling like Kylo's shampoo and pliant with sleep. Kylo pressed his nose into the nape of Hux's neck and breathed in, imagining it. Being able to wake like this and wake Hux up with teasing kisses, fumbling to bring him to the brink of orgasm before they even fully left the haziness of sleep behind. Comfortable in the knowledge that Hux was his... And that he was Hux's?

This new desire for mellow sweetness perplexed him, but it also felt like a natural continuation of their prolonged proximity and connection in the Force. Kylo wasn't ready to name any of the feelings leisurely growing in his chest, but he was alright with them being there. It seemed Hux was feeling things too, so at least Kylo wasn't the only one. He had only got brief glimpses at the jumble of emotion Hux had for him, but it was enough to know it was vast.

Hux was afraid of it, but he didn't need to be. Their minds and bodies fit, and there was a strong pull between them, partly Force-related, but also more. They might disagree often and almost come to blows on a weekly basis, but in the end their goals were similar and their views mostly shared. They had their differences, but with some mutual trust and effort they could well be compatible. He was sure they would still argue and fight, but at the end of the day they would be together and stronger for it.

Snoke had to have been aware of the volatile sexual relationship between them, but he had never deemed it important enough to bring up. Had he realized it was on its way to becoming more, he surely would have put an end to it. As long as Kylo and Hux were at each other's throats, Snoke was satisfied. He had known it was to his advantage to keep them apart, if not physically, then separated by hurt and misunderstanding. It was too late for that now. Kylo didn't yet know how he could hide the developement in their relationship from Snoke in the future if it was to become a reality, but he was confident he and Hux would manage it.

If only Hux gave in and let it happen. Kylo was attracted to everything about Hux, intrigued by his personality and mind, and he could tell Hux felt the same, at least to some extent. Normally Kylo would find his resilience and firmness attractive, but not so much when they were working against him. Hux had to have weak spots that Kylo could make use of...

He didn't remember much of the dream he'd had earlier, but he remembered showing his skills with the Force to a beautiful boy called Armie. He dimly recalled doing something he was mortified about right after, and he remembered Hux touching his forehead to Kylo's and asking him to do it again later, when he was older. It wasn't characteristic of Hux to ask for such things so openly, which was why Kylo would have thought it was his dream alone, if not for the feeling of familiarity and realness the dream Hux had exuded.

Kylo felt Hux start making his way into awareness from the deep reaches of his dreams. It took a long time, Hux shifting minutely in his arms and chasing the remnants of slumber. When he finally surfaced, Kylo felt him stiffen up, but at least he didn't pull away.

"Ren", Hux began, but didn't seem to know how to finish the sentence.

Kylo sighed into the warm skin of his neck and decided he could just as well take the tauntaun by the horns and get his intentions in the open.

"I want this."

Hux drew in a sharp breath. "'This' meaning what, exactly?"

Kylo hugged him closer, pressing his hand to Hux's chest over his heart. It drummed a frantic rhythm into his palm. He kissed Hux on the soft skin behind his ear. "You. Us."

Hux melted against him a little, but he wasn't won over yet. "You have no idea what you're asking for, Ren."

"I'm asking to do it now that I'm older. Come on, let me. Armie."

Hux jerked in his arms and hit Kylo in the nose with the back of his head. " _Never_ call me that." His voice was the tiniest bit shaky. Evidently he had caught the reference.

"Consider it, at least", Kylo kept going like there had been no interruption, peppering Hux's rapidly flushing neck with little kisses. "It'd be so good for you. We'd be brilliant together."

Hux let out a slightly crazed chuckle. "You're the one who should consider what you let out of your big mouth. I doubt you want everything I do, and you should've realized by now that I will no longer settle for scraps."

Kylo smiled into his neck. They were, slowly but surely, making progress. "I know. And it's not scraps I would be giving you." He continued before Hux could get a word in edgewise, "Don't answer me yet. I'm not in a hurry. Let's say we'll decide before we leave this planet, okay? I can keep going and wear down your resolve."

Kylo tried not to have it be audible in his voice, but he was somewhat nervous. Hux's rejection the day before had singed him, even though he had known Hux still wanted him. This was no longer about just sex, this was serious. He didn't want to think about what he'd do if Hux said no to this as well.

Hux laughed, but the sound wasn't happy or even amused. He just sounded tired. "Nothing I say can persuade you to let this drop, will it?"

"If you can look me in the eye and honestly tell me you don't want me, I'll stop asking", Kylo said, serious. "I want you, and I want you to want me, but if you don't, I'll let it go."

It would be difficult, and it would hurt much more than he wanted to admit, but he would leave Hux alone if that was what the general truly wanted. Kylo could admit to being a bad person in many ways, but he wasn't one to harrass someone who wasn't interested.

Hux sighed, and turned around in Kylo's arms. For a split second Kylo was afraid Hux would deny him once and for all, but what he got instead was a challenging look and a slight smile. "You have no idea what you're doing, do you, Ren?"

"Not really, no. Though I don't think you have much experience with this stuff either."

Hux inclined his head at that. "Can't say I do. How about we keep going like we have been, and you try to figure out how to, what was it again? 'Wear down my resolve?'"

"Sounds good. It seems like we still have a lot of time."

"Good luck with that, lord Ren. Be careful not to make promises you can't keep" And with that, Hux smacked a kiss on Kylo's cheek and climbed out of the sled, probably in search for caffeine.

Kylo lay there for a minute, flummoxed and speechless. Did that just happen? Hux had to be fucking with him. Would that happen regularly if they became... whatever it was they were hurtling towards? The thought brought a smile to his face. Hux was weird as hell, and it would probably be quite an ordeal to woo or seduce him, or whatever it was that he wanted, but Kylo was alright with that. As long as he got what he wanted in the end, he could have some patience.

 

*

 

They planned the day ahead while they ate breakfast. Most of the conversation happened in their minds, and Kylo couldn't help the surge of pride and excitement he sent Hux's way. They were strong like this, joined together in the Force. Yesterday had strengthened the connection, and Kylo had a feeling their previous conversation had put them on the same wavelength. Hux still couldn't make his messages have any tone of voice except flat monotone, but the way he simultaneously sent emotions mostly made up for it.

 _Can you go and fill the canisters while I pack our things in the sled?_ Hux suggested after sipping the last of his caf. _We should get going again._

Kylo agreed and went. _Have you thought about what we'll do after we get back to the Order?_ he asked as he kneeled on the icy bank and put the first canister in the water.

_As you know, we need to stabilize our hold on the galaxy. Our recent misfortunes have had an effect on our image, and that can't be allowed. Expanding has worked so far, but it wont forever. I think we should focus our efforts on getting the existing territories under control._

That sounded sensible to Kylo, but it wasn't Snoke's strategy. _The Supreme Leader wouldn't like to hear you saying that_ , he remarked.

 _Then it's good he isn't here right now_ , Hux snarked. _Of course I understand the desire to rule an ever-expanding, prosperous empire, but I don't think sheer terror is the best way to do it. Never mind that my Starkiller was destroyed, the galaxy still fears us. What we need now is strong leadership, to make them respect us as well. I'm not just a conqueror by nature, I also actually want us to rule well and bring order. Don't you?_

 _I guess_ , Kylo mused. _You probably took this up with Snoke already?_

 _Yes,_ Hux radiated annoyance. _He didn't listen to me, of course. He has a vision, and my meddling is apparently futile and will have no consequence other than earning me even more of his disdain. He doesn't seem to much care that we will soon run out of resources to keep our territories in order. At this rate, rebellions like the one on Ilex will become commonplace._

"So what would you do?" Kylo asked out loud as he floated the full canisters back to the sled. "Call back our pilgrims and soldiers and have them man the worlds that have already been made part of the Order?"

"For the time being, yes. After we've captured any remaining rebels and established order on all our worlds, I have nothing against expanding, quite the opposite", Hux said and set a blanket on the sled to keep the snow out and fastened it in place with the rope. They were ready to leave. "But even our hunger for power should have limits set by sense."

"Does yours?" Kylo asked, curious.

Hux's answering smile was mischievous. "I'm sure it does. I just haven't found them yet."

"What about you, Ren?" Hux asked as he took the sled's reins and they started the day's journey. "Any plans after we leave this place?"

Kylo thought for a moment. "Assisting you with making Snoke see your point about expanding, I suppose." Hux smiled slightly at that. "While wooing you with everything I've got", Kylo added, and Hux's smile was replaced by a horrified look.

" _Wooing?_ Are you twelve?"

"On a scale of one to ten, yes", Kylo smirked. "I'm also dead serious."

"Very humble and modest, too", Hux grumbled, but Kylo noticed he looked the tiniest bit pleased as well.

"I also want to finally track down and kill Skywalker", he added on a more serious note.

"Why exactly is that so important to you and Snoke?" Hux asked, looking genuinely curious. "He was a key figure in the fall of the Empire, and from what I hear, a powerful jedi master, but other than that? He's just a man."

"Not any man, though. Apart from Snoke, Skywalker is the strongest Force-user I know, or at least he used to be. I believe I've surpassed him, and I'm not sure how powerful the scavenger girl is... But Skywalker has decades more experience than I do. He could be a formidable enemy if he managed to stop wallowing in self-pity and dragged himself out of whatever depressing hole he's hiding in. For all we know, he could also be secretly training any number of new jedi right now. That can't be allowed to go on."

Hux was nodding along, but he looked a little troubled. His cheeks were normally flushed from the excercise, but now he looked pale.

 

*

 

Hux felt worse today than he had for days. His headaches had been lessening, but now seemed to be back in full force. He felt tired and cold, and the nausea was back as well. He knew concussion symptoms weren't always regular, that they might get better and then return worse than before, but somehow he hadn't expected that to happen to him. It was scary, how there were things happening inside his head he couldn't affect, something wrong that he couldn't fix.

All this would be taken care of when they eventually returned to the Finalizer and the droids in it's med bay, but the thought did nothing to help him now. Hux gave the sled's reins to Ren for his shift, and felt himself slow down. Should he just tell Ren he couldn't walk as fast as before? That he felt like pulling the sled along was too much for him at the moment? It was embarrassing to admit to physical failures, and he didn't want mocking or, stars forbid, concern from Ren.

Ren's presence as a whole bothered Hux more than he cared to admit. His prolonged proximity did a magnificent job of displaying all his better qualities from every angle, shoving them into Hux's face. Ren's surprising caring for Hux, his strength and his all too beautiful face were all becoming impossible to ignore. Hux had never had to spend such a long time alone with Ren before, and it was eating away at his resolve worryingly fast.

Hux felt Ren wasn't in his mind right now, so he could safely think about things he didn't want him to hear, mainly his continuing pining for Ren. It had been going on for longer than was in any way healthy. For years now, probably. Hux couldn't even tell when the hate and anger had become façades instead of the whole truth of what he felt. It had been so much more comfortable to ignore any traitorous feelings and just continue on as he had been, even if it left him somewhat miserable, losing sleep after their meaningless trysts. His mounting frustration had served to make him more effective in his competition against Ren in Snoke's eyes, but it had been bad for his personal mental health.

He had been looking and fantasizing for a long time, but he rarely actually imagined what it would be like to give in to Ren's proposition. They would be dysfunctional, would keep fighting and hurting each other like always, he was sure. Ren was, after all, still the infuriating menace he had always been.

Ren could be a rabid monster, and it would be glorious to have him as his own, loyal and fierce. It would be good to have a partner equally strong-willed and determined as Hux himself was. The way they constantly challenged each other made them better.

There was also the shameful need for touch and belonging and love Hux didn't want to have, but which had taken root in him and wouldn't disappear, no matter how hard he tried to make it. Ren might give him a place to just be, without pretense. He might allow Hux to care for him and care for Hux in return. His touch would feel so good, especially if Hux could trick him into gentleness somehow, if they learned how to go slow and sweet instead of the usual frantic pace.

Giving in seemed more and more alluring every day, but Hux had to be smart. He would probably just get hurt again if he let Ren get too close. The man might proclaim he wanted Hux now, but he had always been flightly. He likely had no experience of a romantic relationship, and couldn't be trusted to just intuitively negotiate his way in one. Hux just had to wait for Ren to get bored and abandon his foolish attempt at romancing Hux.

The sexual relationship between them had ended as their duties had taken them on different paths, and Ren hadn't seemed too sad about it. Hux had been simultaneously depressed about losing what little physical comfort he had got from Ren, and elated that he no longer had to seek after morsels if he couldn't get the whole thing. He had told himself he was glad it would no longer be happening, because every time he allowed Ren to touch him, he came to need it more than he had before. At the end of that path was destruction, and he had wanted to stay as far away from it as possible.

Now he was considering running right into it and jumping off the cliff into an unknown abyss. Sense told him not to, because Ren had always been a taker. He took space in Hux's head and heart, he barged his way in and took feelings and thoughts into his hands and looked at them too closely. He took Hux's aloneness and made it into loneliness every time he left. Hux couldn't keep giving those things to him, because he needed them to hold him upright. Before, he had been comfortable in his solitude, comforted by the fact that he was inexorable and unknowable. If Hux let Ren get close and make a space for himself in his life, it would just hurt more when Ren eventually left. Hux didn't want to become any more hollow.

Hux sighed and looked around in search of somethig else to think about. All this needless fretting was making his headache worse. It seemed to him like the forest was thinning out a little. The trees still looked the same, tall with thick, dark trunks, but it looked like there were larger spaces between them than before.

"Ren, does it seem to you like the forest is thinning?" Hux asked. Ren looked around and agreed it seemed that way.

"Let's take a break", he said. "I'll climb a tree to see it there's any other changes to the scenery." He proceeded to choose a tree nearby, floated with seemingly no effort to the branches high off the ground, and soon disappeared into the canopy. It was a little unfair, how gracefully he could climb.

Hux himself likely couldn't even have climbed a steep flight of stairs, he was getting so exhausted. He sat down next to the sled and sighed in relief. He was glad he hadn't had to ask Ren to stop, and that the knight hadn't complained about slowing down. Perhaps he was getting tired as well, though he hid it better than Hux. He used Ren's absence to drink perhaps a little more water than was his share, and down three painkillers.

He started looking for the bags containing their ever diminshing supply of food. While he pulled them out, he started designing traps and snares in his mind. The supplies at hand were limited, but he could create something serviceable out of rope and tree branches and set them up at night. It would be good to catch a few of the little animals he still hadn't seen. That way they could stretch the existing food supply for longer.

Ren was taking a strangely long time up in the tree.

 _Ren_ , Hux called to Ren's mind, _Ren! What's taking you so long?_

Ren sent back an image that made Hux gasp. He had been on the ground in the dense forest for so long that seeing the horizon felt like breathing fresh air again after spending weeks inside. The sun was high, illuminating the never-ending, snow-covered forest in a soft glow. The sky was a very pale blue, and it felt good to see so much of it after the oppressing shadows of the dark pines. The forest went on as far as Ren, and by extension, Hux, could see, but it did become noticeably sparse ahead.

Ren turned his head slightly to the North-East and sent, _Look there. That's either another river or a road, I can't say which, but I think we should go to it._ Hux focused and could have cried when he saw it. From this far he couldn't make out anything but a thin, darker slash through the forest and the snow, but there was a very real possibility that it could be a road. They might finally be nearing the edges of civilization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slightly longer wait! School is thoroughly fucking me up right now, so this will probably become the norm.
> 
> Thank you for your patience and for reading <3


	8. Forest of talking trees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from OMAM's Dirty paws.
> 
> The original chapter got so long I decided to post it in two halves. The first one is here, and the second should be up later today when I'm done editing it.

The following journey took four days.

During that time, the weather steadily got colder, and the near-constant snowfall stopped. The sparser forest was a welcome change at first, but after a while it began to take a more eerie appearance. More light got in, but it was pale and hazy, and nearing nightfall, it turned cold and blue. Long shadows stretched between the trees, and there were fewer signs of animals. Large snow-covered boulders littered the ground, and in the twilight they reminded Kylo of the headstones in a graveyard.

There was something quietly beautiful about it all, the calm stillness of the forest enhancing the feeling. It was chilling to imagine walking through a real graveyard like this, passing endless, uneven rows of headstones and walking over the countless dead sleeping in the ground. Everything was still and muffled, and noises didn't seem to carry.

Kylo could feel Hux's thoughts buzzing around him, dark like a storm cloud. He still looked pale and a little unsteady sometimes, and his walking pace seemed to have permanently slowed down a little. Kylo had shifted to accommodate him without mentioning it, but he was both a little annoyed and a little worried. Hux was stubborn and wouldn't say anything despite his obvious discomfort. He also wanted to continue practicing his skills with the Force, so they did. Kylo figured Hux was sensible enough to demand a rest if he really needed it.

They had the communication down rather well now, even if Hux's messages still had a feeble quality to them. He could send things to Kylo even when Kylo wasn't consciously listening and hovering at the edges of his mind. Kylo began helping Hux with his mental walls next. It wasn't possible for anyone non-Force-sensitive to truly, impenetrably shield their mind from someone trained in the ways of the Force, but Kylo was confident he could help Hux avoid the issue. Distraction and evasion were the key elements. Hux had to learn to instantly recognize an attempt at breaching his mind, and when that happened, he had to be able to bury his true thoughts and secrets behind other things, mundanities and lesser facts and even outright lies.

It wasn't simple, but Hux's control over his mind and his aptitude for these aspects of the Force continued to amaze Kylo, and he made progress in strides. He was a secretive, restricted bastard by nature, and this was only making him better at it. Having to intentionally give Hux ways to keep Kylo himself out as well was somewhat irking, but it couldn't be helped. At least Hux had been open to having Kylo in his head for the last few days, and didn't seem like he wanted to close up.

Kylo spent every night in Hux's dreams with him, attempting to teach him to control them. It was significantly more difficult for him than shielding. Hux was getting increasingly frustrated at himself for failing to learn and at Kylo for failing to teach it to him.

The third night after changing their course, Hux approached the subject as he burrowed under the blankets with Kylo.

"I manage everything else just fine, it's just dreams that I can't control. Do you have any way to explain it? Are you sure there's nothing that can be done about it while we're awake?" His tone was angry and he was pouting, a crease between his brows. The effect was ruined to some extent by the way he laid his head close to Kylo's on the pillow and tangled their legs together.

Hux was still avoiding making any decisions, but his body language was very clear on which choice he was leaning toward. He just wouldn't admit it, and Kylo was staring to get truly impatient. Hux was all too proud and resilient. He even tried explaining away his enjoyment of physical contact by claiming he was only touching Kylo like this because it strengthened their connection.

"Have you considered the possiblity that your need for total contol might be at fault?" Kylo proposed as he pulled Hux closer. "That you repress and confine everything so tightly inside you that something eventually has to break out, and it happens in your dreams?"

"And what do you suggest as an alternative?" Hux demanded, sneering. "Give myself over to every emotion like you? Become volatile and prone to fits of uncontrollable rage?"

Kylo growled but resisted the urge to start a fight. This was important. "Those aren't the only two options. You can stay in control just fine while still at least trying to deal with your feelings and trauma, you know. The way you attempt to dam everything, it's no wonder your dreams are always nightmares, sex dreams or a disturbing mixture of the two."

They both shuddered at the mention of that third instance. He didn't even want to think about it, but last night Kylo had come to realize Hux was just as messed up as he was, if not more so. He could only hope their neuroses and defects would compliment each other instead of clashing even worse that their personalities did on bad days.

Hux sighed. "I suppose. Did you have something in mind?"

"Other than the obvious way to let go for a while?" Kylo couldn't help smirking as Hux groaned. "Good, old-fashioned therapy is obviously a no", he continued and chuckled as Hux nodded emphatically, "so what remains is meditation, which I can help you with, and talking about it, which you'll never agree to do." Another nod. And so meditation was added to Hux's growing list of things to learn.

 

That night they had a nightmare again, a mixture of Hux's less pleasant experiences at the academy and the harsher parts of Kylo's training with Snoke. It left them both shaky and conflicted, wanting to hide away all their hurt and shame, but also needing to find solace in each other.

Closer to morning, after the worst had passed, Hux managed to change the dream landskape from Snoke's citadel to a misty forest. Kylo couldn't say whether it was from his memories or Hux's, or perhaps a new construct entirely, but Hux had taken them there. Kylo surrounded him in a cloud of praising warmth, and he could feel Hux's relief and pride. For the rest of the night, they explored the forest in peaceful silence.

 

*

 

It had started snowing again sometime during the night, and Kylo and Hux woke up covered in snow. They brushed it off and started preparing for the day's journey. Kylo had climbed trees often these last few days, making sure they stayed on course. Now it seemed like the snowfall was getting so heavy he probably couldn't see much if he tried. It only took a few minutes of sitting still for the large snowflakes to have formed a thick coating on his shoulders and thighs.

The snares Hux had constructed had caught two animals in the night, even though there seemed to be less of them in this part of the forest. They were squat little creatures, with long tails and big ears. Their fur was black like the trees and their meat a little chewy but delicious. It felt good to catch their own food, like they had at least a little control over their situation. Kylo skinned them and cooked them on the embers of their campfire, while Hux drank his caf and assembled everything securely in the sled. They ate most of the meat and packed the rest away for later.

As he took the sled and started walking alongside Hux again, Kylo's thoughts wandered. There was something different about this forest today, the way the wind howled and threw the snow around, echoing in the trees. It almost sounded like the tall pines were whispering and singing. The cold air felt somehow electrified, saturated with a foreign energy.

Kylo stumbled upon the thought of it like it had always been in his mind, just forgotten. What it his new power wasn't just the result of the disappearance of Snoke's influence? What if Carlia itself was somehow special? Something about the place felt meaningful to Kylo. His connection to Hux had started manifesting more strongly here as well.

Kylo reached out further and further with his senses as they continued the long walk, and eventually he found what he hadn't known he was looking for. It was only a faint whisper at first, evading him and calling to him in turns, but as he focused on it, it got stronger little by little.

"Hux", Kylo said and stretched a hand out to grab the crinkly sleeve of Hux's coat. "Stop and listen for a second."

Hux turned to him, confused. "I don't hear anything except the wind."

So it was truly an echo in the Force, not just the wind tricking his ears. Kylo opened his mind to Hux and directed his attention to the fleeting call. Hux drew in a sharp breath.

"What is that? It's not... human."

"No", Kylo agreed. "I think there's kyber crystal inside this planet."

Hux looked as taken aback as Kylo felt. "It's incredibly rare. There have only been, what, three or four known occurences of it growing naturally?" Hux said. "Are you sure?"

"Not a hundred per cent", Kylo admitted, "But this feels like I felt in the caves of Ilum when I found my crystal." He indicated the lightsaber hanging from his belt.

A familiar greedy glint appeared in Hux's eye. "How do you feel about contacting MEDRA corp after we leave and starting a covert mining operation in this forest?"

"By all means, let's", Kylo said, enjoying the almost childish look of excitement growing on Hux's face. They were both thinking the same thing. A larger quantity of kyber crystal meant Hux could redesign parts of the the new Starkiller, make it stronger and better and more efficient. It would revolutionize the techinque, while saving them a huge amount of money as well. Foraging the galaxy for kyber shards for the first Starkiller base had taken a lot of time and put a considerable dent in the Order's funds. This time it might not be a problem at all.

Hux asked question after question about what Kylo felt as they walked on. Was he sure, how much of the crystal was there, how deep did it lie in the ground, how was it possible that it existed here, on this tiny planet in the middle of nowhere? Kylo couldn't answer much, only that he was now sure it was kyber that he sensed. It wanted to keep the dark in Kylo away from it, but it called to the last stubborn trace of light. For the first time in his life he was glad he still carried that weakness.

It seemed that there was a silver lining to this ongoing series of disasters after all.

 

*

 

Their cheer was ruined that evening, when they finally reached their goal and found that instead of a road, it was another river after all.

Ren cursed colourfully and Hux felt the sentiment deeply. It was foolish, but he had been so sure this would be their first touch with civilization in a week. Had it truly only been a week? It felt so much longer than that, as if he had been walking in a snowy forest and battling headaches and his desires for years now.

Hux sat heavily down on the ground and attempted to rid himself of the need to scream and tear at his hair in despair. Ren had no such qualms, and was presently yelling obscenities and attacking trees with his lightsaber. Again, Hux sympathized, but was it truly necessary to give one's self over to tantrums such as this quite so easily?

He watched as Ren fell a tree, then another. It was surprisingly pacifying to witness such meaningless destruction, but enough was enough.

"Ren!" Hux barked after another tree fell, this time into the river. "That's enough!"

Ren slashed a few more times, and then ceased. He was panting, his hair in a disarray and sticking to his face. A needless display of emotion like that should have appeared repulsive, but instead the powerful anger radiating off Ren just made Hux half-hard in his pants. It was getting truly, ridiculously pathetic. He was glad for his many layers of clothing.

"Sit down and eat some nuts", he ordered. Ren sat, sighing heavily. Hux found the remaining packets of nuts and threw one to Ren. They ate in disheartened silence and watched the stream before them. It was narrower than the first one had been, only fifteen or so metres across. Visibility was steadily getting worse because of the snow, but Hux followed the stream with his eyes. He almost dropped the last of his nuts as he noticed something going over the river in the distance. It might have been a fallen tree, except that trees didn't curve like that.

"Is that a bridge", he breathed out. Ren swiveled around to look, and jumped up.

"Yes!" He grabbed the sled in one hand and Hux's hand in the other, pulling him up, and then they ran.


	9. As we sink into the open sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter of the day! This finally earns the explicit rating. I hope you enjoy <3
> 
> Chapter title from OMAM's We sink.

The bridge looked rundown and some of the boards were clearly rotten, but it was a bridge. Something clearly built by someone. The first sign of intelligent life Hux had seen in what felt like forever. Its condition was a little worrying, but it couldn't diminish his enthusiasm.

"There has to be a settlement of some kind nearby", Hux said, "Or at least there used to be." The bridge didn't exactly look like anyone had taken care of it for decades, and there were no discernible footprints in the snow or even anything that signified a road, but they couldn't think about that now. It was getting dark, so they agreed to cross the bridge and use the remaining light to comb the surrounding forest for some trace of life.

The eerie feel of the dark, sparse forest continued on this side of the narrow river, and it was only enhanced by the harsh wind and the snowfall that seemed to be getting heavier. They would have to find some kind of shelter to make camp in soon, otherwise they'd get buried in the snow. Hux didn't exactly fancy freezing to death.

Hux kept close to Ren, not wanting to lose him in the dark. He felt unsettled by all this, first losing hope and then getting it back only to end up roaming around the forest, just like they had been for days. He imagined he could still hear the high, evanescent call of the kyber crystals, but surely he couldn't, without Ren acting as a mouthpiece for the crystals. It was probably just the wind again.

Lost in these thoughts, it took Hux a few seconds to realize Ren had stopped, and Hux himself had kept going. Ren was looking at a copse of trees. Hux hadn't seen their kind on this planet before. They weren't conifers like everything Hux had previously seen here, and instead had bare, gnarled and twisting branches. Some fruit were still hanging from them, blackened and frozen through.

Hux and Ren shared a glance. Single copses of fruit trees didn't randomly appear in pine forests. These trees had to have been planted here. The fruit left in the trees weren't a good sign, but Hux and Ren changed course anyway to see what was behind the trees. They found some other fruit trees, these ones with smaller fruit, and then some bushes which perhaps grew heavy with berries in the summer. It was difficult to even imagine this planet flourishing like that, warmer and bright. The winter felt inexorable, digging its claws into the ground and into the flesh of anyone foolish enough to brave trekking in the forests.

Hux could have cried from relief when they finally saw the little cottage. It was so well covered in snow it might have been mistaken for a large boulder, if not for how closely they had been looking for it. There were no paths around it, the small windows dark and lifeless, but it was a place they could take shelter in for the night.

Ren shifted the snowbanks piled against the wall of the cottage enough that the door could be opened.

It was cold inside, but at least they were safe from the snow and the wind. The interior of the cottage consisted of one large room. There was no furniture besides a few long benches along the walls, a small, lopsided table, and a single bed, separated from the rest of the space by a rickety-looking folding screen. The fireplace near the bed was full of cobwebs, but looked usable. There was a large pile of old, dry logs next to it. Hux built a fire while Ren caried the sled inside with the Force. Ren lit the fire, and they sat down in front of it to eat while the room warmed up.

"We need baths again", Hux said after finishing his meal. Ren agreed.

"I'm not walking back to the river", he said, "you'll have to make do with melted snow." It didn't sound like the most hygienic of water sources, but at this point Hux would take anything, as long as he could bathe in it. Ren lifted everything out of the sled and took it back to the door and opened it. Hux shivered as an icy gust of wind swept inside the room, but Ren was thankfully quick about filling the sled with snow and closing the door. While he started melting the snow, Hux examined the bed in the corner. Perhaps one of them should sleep in it and the other in the sled.

"Do you want this bed, Ren?" Hux asked. The old mattress smelled of mold and felt like it was filled with straw. Ren turned to look at it and grimaced. "Definitely not. You're welcome to it, but you know I have nothing against sleeping with you."

Hux scoffed, but though he didn't want to admit it, he had grown used to Ren's warmth in his bed, and would have been loathe to go without it now. He laid one of their insulation sheets on the straw mattress to keep any mildew that might live in it from contaminating anything else. He then set their own, softer mattress on top. Like this, it made for a rather fine bed. It would be a welcome change after the cold edges and the hard metal of the sled.

Hux went to add wood to the fire, and stopped to bask in the heat. He had forgotten what it felt like to truly be warm. It felt like a revelation to finally be able to strip down to the stormtrooper underarmour he had on under all the other layers. The thick fabrics had truly restricted movement in an unpleasant manner. Hux stretched luxuriously. He felt more content right now than he'd felt in months. He would have a hot bath soon, and then he could go to sleep in an actual bed, in an actually warm space. It was strange how one only learned to appreciate the small things when they were lost.

"Water's done", Ren informed Hux. The water was steaming and Ren was stripping down next to it. Hux tried to avert his gaze but got an eyeful of Ren's pale skin anyway. He swallowed as Ren sat down and sighed in bliss. He started soaping himself up, and then yawned hugely.

"Just get in here with me, okay? I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to stay awake long enough to make you a new bath after I'm done."

Hux weighed his options. He could wait and seethe while Ren enjoyed the water, and then attempt to keep Ren awake long enough to make a bath for him too, or he could just. Get in it with him. Enjoy the hot water and Ren's skin touching his. Hux closed his eyes, sighed, and divested himself of his last articles of clothing.

 

*

 

Kylo watched as Hux made his way to him, slow and a little unsure. The weariness was suddenly gone and Kylo sat up and watched Hux, mesmerized. Hux stepped into the water and lowered himself to sit between Kylo's outstretched legs, facing him. His face was red and he wasn't looking at Kylo, just stretched his hand out for the soap bottle. Kylo gave it to him and watched as Hux made a lather and rubbed it into his skin. He was the most beautiful thing Kylo had ever seen, bare and flushed, and it was torture to have him so close, but not be allowed to touch.

"Come here." It was supposed to be a simple request, but it came out more like a plea. Kylo could no longer put up a smug, teasing front, he was too desperate to touch Hux. Hux's gaze snapped up to Kylo's, and Kylo could feel how much Hux wanted it too. They were both getting desperate, and Hux's self-control was the only thing holding them back.

Kylo wanted to resist, but the final word forced its way out anyway. "Please."

Hux made a little sound, like a quiet whine, and shifted forward. Kylo reached for him, pulling him forward by the arms, and then he was there. Warm and soft and gorgeous, skin sliding along Kylo's in the water. Hux straddled Kylo's thighs and wrapped his arms around him. Kylo slid his hands up and down Hux's sides and back, feeling the heated smoothness of his skin. It was marvelous to have him so close, nothing between them. Hux smelled like the soap now, though he hadn't had time to wash his hair yet, and it hung a little lank around his lovely face.

Kylo lifted a hand to Hux's cheek and caressed him gently. Hux looked at him with someting akin to longing. He leaned forward, but instead of finally going in for a kiss like Kylo had hoped, Hux just pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes. Kylo cradled him close and enjoyed the feeling of him in his arms, delicate but strong.

"Let's wash up first, okay?" Hux said softly. Kylo felt the edges of his mind, the all-consuming desire there, the insecurity and the resolve, but he was elated to find Hux had finally made his decision. Other things would happen after the washing, hopefully in the bed Hux had made for them.

Kylo smiled at Hux and rubbed their noses together. "Okay. Can I wash your hair?" He kept his tone soft like Hux's had been. He didn't want to break the delicate balance here, the gentleness of the atmosphere.

Hux chuckled, low. "Only if I get to wash yours."

Kylo squeezed some shampoo onto both their palms. Hux's fingers in his hair felt like heaven, gently cording through the strands and massaging his scalp. Through their connection Kylo could feel Hux's appreciation for the soft thickness of his hair. Smiling, he buried his own fingers into Hux's hair, copying the motions of his hands. It made Hux melt a little closer to him still. Hux's hair was silky and Kylo loved the feeling of it in his hands. So far the unusual colour had been his favourite thing about it, but this came very close. Hux closed his eyes at Kylo's ministrations and looked ready to purr.

Kylo felt the same. The feeling of Hux's skin against his own was tantalizing, the slow slide of their bodies against each other slowly driving him crazy. They were both hard, and Kylo drew in a sharp breath as Hux shifted in his lap and their cocks slid together. Kylo pulled Hux closer and kissed the skin of his cheek.

"I think were done", he said into Hux's ear. He felt Hux nod, his heartbeat quickening against Kylo's chest. "Close your eyes for a second", Kylo instructed, and then lifted some water with the Force and made it fall on them like heavy rain, washing away the shampoo.

Hux drew back and blinked at Kylo, looking like an irritated, wet rat. His hair was plastered to his forehead and looked dark brown when it was wet like this. "A proper warning would have been appreciated", he retorted, but leaned forward again, this time intentionally shifting his hips to meet Kylo's. Kylo moaned and pulled Hux closer by his hips. Hux's lips dragged along Kylo's throat and left a fiery need in their wake to feel them again, on his neck, his lips, everywhere.

"Let's take this to the bed", Hux whispered. Kylo was eager to comply, thrilled that Hux was the one who had said it first. Nodding a little shakily, he grabbed Hux's thighs and wrapped them around his waist, telling Hux to hold on. He stood up, holding Hux securely against his chest. Hux yelped and wrapped all four limbs around Kylo in a bruising grip.

Kylo carried him over to the bed and laid him out on the sheets, not caring they'd get them wet like this. Hux looked exquisite, flushed and aroused, chest heaving, and finally Kylo's to touch. He kneeled on the bed between Hux's spread thighs and leaned in close, a hand on the mattress beside Hux's head. Their eyes met. Hux's were half-closed and very beautiful, a light bluish-green shade thatKylo loved, framed by pale, almost translucent ginger lashes. Kylo instinctively reached out with his mind to touch Hux's, and was relieved to find Hux already waiting for him, barriers down and thoughts in a rare, gorgeous disarray.

Kylo touched Hux's cheek with his fingers, a little hesistant, and was hit by the strength with which Hux wanted to kiss him. It made him gasp and surge forward to capture Hux's lips in a bruising kiss. It was so good, better than he could have imagined. Hux's lips were soft and sweet and he kissed Kylo back with equal fervor, lips sliding and tongues meeting for the first time. Hux's fingers tagled in Kylo's hair and he pulled him closer, until every inch of them was touching. Why had they never done this before? This was _everything_.

Hux turned his head a little to breathe, and then his lips were back on Kylo's. His hand in Kylo's hair tugged a little as Kylo surged in to kiss him passionately again, and Kylo let out a groan. Hux smiled against his lips and slowed down, turning the kiss gentle and almost tentative, and it was just as good as the previous frantic kiss had been. Hux slid his hand to the back of Kylo's neck and pet the sensitive skin there. Kylo hummed in appreciation and nudged a knee between Hux's thighs. Hux moaned and ground up against it, never breaking the kiss.

Kylo could feel what Hux felt, at the back of his mind like an echo. Hux loved this too, more than he wanted to admit. He had fought against this for so long, but now that it was happening, he was shocked by how naturally it came to them both. Before, there had only been bites and scratches, never kissing. Hux let slip a memory of their first night on this planet, the dream in which Kylo had fucked him against a wall at a punishing pace and kissed his neck. They had been frantic and rough like always, but closer than ever before. It had frightened Hux then as much as it had aroused him, but now all the doubt was gone.

Kylo left Hux's lips for a moment in order to kiss his neck like Hux was remembering, and Hux moaned, rocking his hips against Kylo's. He was the most beautiful thing Kylo had ever touched, copper hair messy on the pillow, alabaster skin bruising so easily under kisses and little nips that made him whine. He smelled good, like soap but also like something warm and familiar that was just _Hux_. Hux tilted his head further to give Kylo more room, and lifted one leg to pull him closer with.

Kylo lavished his skin with open-mouthed kisses and slid a hand to his chest. Hux sighed when he rubbed a nipple in passing, huffed out a laugh as Kylo's light touch tickled his stomach. His laughter ended in a surprised moan as Kylo finally got a hand on his cock. Hux's hips jerked up to meet the touch, and Kylo just had to kiss him again.

 

*

 

Hux's head was spinning. Ren kissed him, sweet and almost worshipful, like Hux was something precious. His hand had found a smooth, languid rhythm on Hux's cock, and it was so, so good, but still not quite enough. Hux moaned into the kiss at a particularly good twist of Ren's grip on him, and reached down to touch Ren's cock in return. He couldn't look down, Ren's face was in the way, but he found it easily. Ren's cock felt the same as he remembered, thick and a little curved, the head wet with precome. Hux tried to fit the rhythm of his hand to Ren's, but it was difficult to think clearly enough for even that simple of a task.

Hux was almost glad they'd never kissed before, because if he had known it would be like this, he never could have resisted Ren for a second. It was overwhelming now, confusing him further but also cementing his decision to go through with this. If he had his way, they'd never stop.

Ren shifted to lie even closer on top of Hux and nudged Hux's hand out of the way, wrapping his own hand around both their cocks. Hux moaned and kissed Ren harder, sliding a hand back into his hair. Ren pressed their foreheads together and did the equivalent with his mind as well. He caressed Hux there too, requesting entrance deeper. Hux granted it, no longer caring what Ren might see there.

Everything was further intensified with Ren so deep in his mind. Hux felt Ren's pleasure like it was his own, and he felt Ren feeling his. They were both shivering, unused to the intensity. Ren's grip on them got tighter and Hux whined, on the brink of orgasm but still wanting more. Abruptly an image of Ren being inside Hux physically as well as mentally appeared in his mind. Hux didn't know whether it had come from Ren or from his own imagination, but it made him almost sob with need.

 _Could I? Will you let me?_ Ren asked in his mind, lips not leaving Hux's for a second. He sounded as frantic and needy as Hux felt, close to begging. Hux wanted it, he wanted it desperately.

 _I want to be on top_ , he said and offered Ren images, Hux riding him hard, bouncing up and down on his cock. Ren gasped and the swell of his need almost pushed Hux into climax right then. Hux pushed at Ren's chest, and the knight went willingly, flopping onto his back. He pulled Hux on top of him, and Hux settled to straddle his thighs. Ren pulled him down into a kiss and searched his mind, curious and half crazy with lust. _What will you do? We don't have lube -_

 _Just get me a tin of petroleum jelly from one of the first aid kits, it'll do._ Ren nodded and stretched out a hand, and a moment later a tin shot into his hand. Hux could hear how it knocked over what sounded like everything they owned on it's way, but he didn't care. He kissed Ren hard as a thank you and took the tin.

Hux scooped a generous amount onto his fingers and reached back to find his hole. It had been months since he'd last had time to do this, and it felt so much better than he remembered. Though perhaps it was partly due to Ren's proximity. It was infinitely better than doing it alone in his quarters, to stretch himself out while Ren peppered his face with kisses and touched his body everywhere with reverent hands. He was embarrassed of how his own fingers made him moan and squirm, but at least Ren was wholeheartedly appreciating the show.

Hux had two fingers in, when Ren slid his hands up Hux's thighs and let them rest on his hips. Slowly, he lifted one hand and brushed his fingertips along the rim streched around Hux's fingers. "Can I?" He asked, his lips touching Hux's, both swollen and sensitive from all the kissing.

Hux closed his eyes and nodded. "Go ahead."

One of Ren's long fingers slid inside Hux alongside his own. Ren went slow, exploring and looking for Hux's prostate. It took him a while to find it, but when he did, it was so good Hux had to slide his own fingers out to grip them in the sheets. Ren replaced Hux's fingers with his own, up to three now. His movements were tentative and careful. Hux Imagined Ren didn't have much experience with this. Before Carlia, Hux had always been the one to bring supplies and take care of any preparation.

Ren kept nudging against Hux's prostate and Hux was sure he would come far too soon if Ren kept it up. "That's enough", Hux breathed and sat up on Ren's thighs as Ren pulled his fingers out. Hux found the tin of petroleum jelly in the sheets and coated Ren's cock in the stuff. Ren bucked up at the touch, need rolling off him in waves, mirroring Hux's own. Hux held him still as he positioned himself and slid down.

Three of Ren's fingers hadn't been quite enough, and Hux cried out at the burn of it. Ren was stupidly large, and it was honestly hard to take all of him. Hux slid down another inch and whimpered. The pain flared, but it paled next to the incredible pleasure he felt as Ren's cock slid deeper into him, gloriously thick, just barely touching his prostate.

Ren's voice startled Hux, he had been so engrossed in trying and failing to get down to the hilt. Ren's hands on Hux's hips shook, as did his voice. "Tell me what to do."

Hux heaved in a breath. "Touch me - anywhere, just touch me."

Ren complied, hands sliding soothingly up and down Hux's sides and then to his chest. His thumbs rubbed Hux's sensitive nipples, pulling a moan from him. Hux closed his eyes and finally slid down the final inch. Ren was now completely buried inside him. It felt simultaneously absolutely perfect and like too much. Hux sat still for a while, trying to get used to the sensation and to get his erratic breathing under control.

Soon he could no longer wait and began moving, first slowly and carefully and then faster, harder. He laid his hands on Ren's chest for purchase and rode him with abandon, forgetting to care about the desperate little noises that were punched out of him. A hint of pain was still there, but it only added to the mounting pleasure. Ren's hands slid down to grip Hux's hips hard and roughly pull him down on Ren's cock.

This would have reminded Hux of their trysts on the Finalizer, except that other than the rough pace, everything about it was new. Ren was looking up at Hux with reverence, frantically pushing up to meet his movements, moaning, his voice beautifully rough. He looked beautiful and wild, midnight black hair a mess on the sheets, face flushed and contorted in pleasure.

"Let me kiss you", Ren panted, and there was no way Hux could have said no to that. He nodded, wanting it just as badly as Ren did. The knight smiled and sat up easily, shifting Hux in his arms so that his legs went over Ren's arms and Ren could keep fucking him deep. Hux put his arms around Ren's neck and sobbed in relief when their lips met. The kiss was hungry and messy, Ren's plush, wet mouth drawing Hux in like a magnet. Ren got a hand on Hux's cock and stroked it in sync with his thrusts.

The rhythmic snapping of Ren's hips wasn't interrupted once. This angle felt even better, Ren's cock hitting Hux prostate on every thrust and his hand squeezing Hux's cock in the best way. Hux was moaning into his mouth, hands in his hair, petting, tugging, urging him on. Impossibly, Ren thrust even harder, once, twice, and then Hux was wailing and coming hard. "Kylo -" he couldn't have kept the shout in if he'd had the presence of mind to try. His orgasm was like a hurricane, it shocked through him, swept him along and occupied his whole consciousness.

His muscles squeezed around Ren and distantly he felt Ren fucking up into him hard and spilling inside him, growling his name. Hux was hit by the force of Ren's orgasm in his mind, and it felt like he came again himself, a surge of pleasure so strong it nearly knocked him out.

 

Ren stayed inside him, after, just holding Hux against his chest. Hux was tender and oversensitive, but it felt good to have Ren stay inside. They were both breathing hard, slowly coming down from the high of near simultaneous orgasms. Echoes of them were still floating along their connection in the Force, making Hux shiver and press closer to Ren. He turned his head to kiss his knight, sweet and gentle now that they were sated and no longer in a hurry to come.

Ren cradled Hux's head in his hands, kissing him deep and slow. Hux still couldn't quite believe how this happened. He kept waiting for Ren to push him anway and begin dressing himself to disappear into his quarters. This shared afterglow was foreign and strange, but appreciated.

Ren kissed the corner of Hux's mouth and smiled against his cheek. "Worth it, after all?" He asked, smug and self-satisfied, the devil.

"Sure, everyone's very impressed with your skill and prowess", Hux snarked back, but couldn't wipe away the goofy smile stretching on his face to answer the similarly mushy expression on Ren's face.

He rose from Ren's lap, grimacing at the feeling of emptiness and the warm trickle of come dripping down his thigh. Noticing his discomfort, Ren offered him the corner of one of their blankets. "We should probably wash all of these tomorrow, anyway", he offered as explanation for Hux's disbelieving look. Fair enough, Hux thought and let Ren wipe away the worst of the mess.

Afterwards, Ren lay down and stretched luxuriously, opening his arms to Hux. Hux sighed, pretending to be exasperated, but in reality he couldn't remember when he'd last felt as good and comfortable as he felt now, lying down half next to Ren and half on him, enveloped in strong arms and covered by warm blankets. He buried his face in Ren's neck and breathed in his scent. One of Ren's hands was in Hux's hair, petting it, and the other slid down to lay possessively on the curve of his ass under the covers.

"Is this what it's going to be like now?" Hux asked, amused but also genuinely a little worried about the answer.

"Yeah", Ren answered, burying his nose in Hux's hair. "I don't plan on letting you go now that I've got you."

Hux hummed. He had no intention of letting go either. Eventually Ren would notice what that really meant, but he'd just have to deal with it.

"I'd imagined you'd want to fuck me instead", Ren said a little later, his tone questioning.

"I needed this today", Hux said around a yawn, "but I can fuck you too, obviously. Tomorrow, if you'd like?" He was already imagining it, laying Ren out and fingering him until he was sobbing, and then fucking him slow until he was so desperate he begged for Hux to go faster. Ren interrupted the image by kissing Hux, just once, softly.

"Yeah, I would", the knight said and pulled the covers higher over them both.

Hux smiled and closed his eyes. He could think about what all this meant tommorrow. Right now he was very cozy, pressed against a warm, wide chest, safe and rather happy. Sleep called to him, and Hux let it take him.


	10. Lost and buried deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something about the storm felt almost peaceful. Their little cottage was like a cocoon in the middle of it, a pocket of warm air encased in thick wood and an ever-growing coating of heavy snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title form OMAM's Slow life.
> 
> I'm so sorry for the long wait! I hit a horrible block, but now I've hopefully passed it. This chapter is pretty short as well, but it has some more smut which I hope will make up for it? ^^"

The next morning Kylo woke to gentle fingers combing through his hair. He stayed still for a moment, eyes still closed and breathing slow, just enjoying the touch and Hux's presence next to him. He could hear the wind still moaning outside, but it was blissfully warm in the cottage. The bed was soft, Hux smelled good, and his fingers were heaven. Kylo never wanted to move.

It was fucking scary to feel so happy. He had never really got to keep anything that had brought him joy before, so this prolonged happiness felt unfamiliar. Kylo didn't know how to process the fact that Hux was apparently content like this, willing to stay with him. It was a strange thought, that the two of them might learn this together, might teach each other how to have and hold without hurting.

Hux shifted a little, looking for a more comfortable position, but didn't stop playing with Kylo's hair. Kylo opened his eyes just a sliver and was surprised to find the room dark except for the low light from the fire. Hux had to have risen to rekindle it earlier. Kylo was happy he had decided to return to bed after.

"Morning", Kylo said and turned his head so that Hux's hand was on his cheek instead of his hair. Hux startled a bit, not having realized Kylo was awake before. He played it cool though, going on with the petting.

"Good morning", Hux said, smoothing a thumb over the corner of Kylo's mouth. He looked calm, and still a little sleepy. "The wind's developed into a proper storm in the night", he informed Kylo. "We'll have to stay here for the day."

That would explain why the windows weren't letting in any light. Kylo leaned up, stretching to look around over Hux's shoulder. The windows were completly white, like the eyes of some blind creature. It was snowing so hard he couldn't see anything else. The howling of the wind had been a constant for the whole of their time here, as well as the snowfall, but an actual storm was a novelty. Such displays of the raw power of nature had always fascinated Kylo. The Force was strong in destructive phenomena like storms, or at least Kylo felt it more easily during them. The rage in them was purely figurative, natural and unprovoked. It was the exact opposite of the violent fury that often took over Kylo, but there was a kinship he felt with storms nevertheless.

"Do you want to feel it?" He asked Hux. He got a curious look and a nod in answer, and taking Hux's hand, he took both their minds out into the storm.

The roiling white abyss stretched into every direction around them. They couldn't see the surrounding trees, the cottage, the ground, anything. The only thing that existed in the world was snow. Hux pulled Kylo closer in his mind, looking around in something akin to awe. _I feel like the noise should be deafening_ , he thought to Kylo.

He was right. It was loud, but not like a roaring hurricane, just a neverending, floating whiteness that swallowed everything. Something about it was almost peaceful. Their little cottage was like a cocoon in the middle of it, a pocket of warm air encased in thick wood and an ever-growing coating of heavy snow.

Kylo pulled them back inside, away from the cold. The contrast between here and the outside world was striking and Kylo was glad they found this place when they did. It would be awful and dangerous, even, to be outside in the blizzard.

He laid back down, so close to Hux that the tips of their noses touched. He grinned at Hux, and an aswering smile crinkled the corners of Hux's eyes. Kylo didn't remember ever having seen him quite this loose and relaxed. His hair fell on his forehead in a soft swoop, and there was still a crease on his cheek from the pillow. Kylo traced it with a finger.

"Are you going to make good on your promise?" He had fallen asleep thinking about how Hux had promised to fuck him. He had loved to be inside Hux last night, but he wanted to experience it for himself as well, this new softness between them.

Hux realized what he was talking about, and his smile stretched into a devilish grin. "Absolutely. Get on your stomach for me, will you?"

Kylo shivered a little and rolled obligingly onto his front as Hux nudged him. He was eager to find out how Hux would go about this.

Hux sat down astride the backs of Kylo's thighs. The feeling of his bare skin against Kylo's sent another shiver down Kylo's spine. There were definitely advantages to finally spending a night inside, the greatest among them the fact that they could be naked without getting frostbite. Hux's hand slid down Kylo's back as he leaned over the edge of the bed to pick up the tin of petroleum jelly from the floor where it had fallen the night before.

He scooted further down and leaned down to kiss the nape of Kylo's neck. Kylo closed his eyes and hummed happily at the touch of Hux's soft lips. This was new, but he liked it. Hux peppered his neck and shoulders with kisses, sometimes nipping or sucking in a bruise, all the while petting Kylo's back with one hand.

"Are you going to take the whole day?" Kylo asked impatiently. Hux chuckled darkly and bit down on Kylo's jugular, making him moan.

"I like the idea of that", Hux mused into Kylo's shoulder, "but I suppose you're right, I want to be inside you soon."

The simple sentence made the desire that had been smoldering inside Kylo flare into a brighter flame. He felt Hux's hard cock resting heavy on his left thigh, and tried to lift the thigh to nudge at it. "Come on."

Hux let out a moan at the touch, but rose off of Kylo. He pushed Kylo's thighs apart and settled between them, taking the tin in his hand again and laying it opened on Kylo's back. He yelped at the cold metal touching his skin, but the unpleasant feeling was soon forgotten as Hux spread his cheeks apart and traced a slick finger along the rim. Kylo closed his eyes and buried his face in the pillow, canting his hips up to chase the fleeting touch.

"Eager, are we?" Hux teased, a little mocking but soft. He circled Kylo's hole with his finger, still not breaching it. He spent a long moment just touching Kylo gently, rubbing the cool, slick substance on him and just _looking_. The scrutiny made Kylo squirm in embarrassment. He was just about to complain when Hux suddenly pressed down on his perineum, stimulating his prostate from the outside, and what came out instead was a gasp. His hips ground against Hux's fingers on their own, and he might have whined a little.

"You really want it, huh?" Hux said, tone still teasing but tinged with want and wonder. His fingers disappeared for a second as he scooped up more jelly, and then he was pushing inside. It was glorious, the stretch of it, the feeling of Hux _inside him_ , even though it was still only a finger. Hux found Kylo's prostate and Kylo could have sobbed, it felt so good.

 

*

 

Ren was beautifully responsive. Hux didn't remember him being like this during the two times he had fucked Ren before, or even last night when Ren had fucked Hux. This was a new development. It was a heady thought, that Ren now trusted Hux enough to let go and allow himself to show how much he wanted it. Hux only had one finger inside, and it was easy to push it all the way in and brush against Ren's prostate. It had the knight moaning and shifting under Hux, backwards to chase his finger, then forward to rub his cock against the mattress. 

Ren was panting, the back of his neck flushed and sweaty, soft dark hair curling there. Hux leaned down again to nuzzle his nose into Ren's hair, and then nipped his ear. "Do you want another?" He whispered in Ren's ear. The knight moaned a desperate yes, and Hux rewarded him with a second finger and a press straight at his prostate. Ren squeezed like a vice around the two digits, though Hux's fingers were rather slim.

"You haven't done this a lot, have you, Ren?" Hux whispered.

Ren groaned and buried his face deeper in the pillow, his arms coming up to further hide him from Hux. He was embarrassed, and Hux knew his guess had been right. The knowledge that he was one of the few people to ever have been allowed to do this to Ren awakened something wild and possessive in him. He thrust his fingers harder, making Ren moan and push back against them. "Have there been others? Tell me", he commanded.

Ren was beyond words at this point, and just opened his mind to Hux, who eagerly dived in, curious.

Ren's mind was a mess of pleasure, anticipation and shame. He had gone nonverbal there too, just feeling, swept away by the sensations. He pushed the relevant images at Hux in a jumble, and it took Hux a moment to make sense of them while trying to keep up a steady rhythm of finger-fucking and stretching Ren.

His earliest experiences were from his days in his uncle's temple. There had been secret meetings with another padawan, a boy two years older than Ren. He'd had short brown hair and dull grey eyes, but his lips had been soft. There had been innocent kisses and wandering hands and awkward, fumbling blowjobs. The stolen moments were scattered along months when Ren was just discovering his sexuality, and it had gone on until the other boy had eventually got bored of little Ben Solo with his big pleading eyes, with his dramatics.

The dark possessive thing in Hux's chest growled at Ren's memory of the boy, his stupid face and dismissing words. The little shit hadn't deserved to be the first to touch Ben. Hux pressed close to Ren, kissing his shoulder. _What happened to him?_

 _He was one of the... One of those I killed, when I left_ , Ren managed and Hux muffled a groan into his neck. That should have been off-putting, but it wasn't. On the contrary. The darker side of him was happy the ungrateful little bastard was dead. He added a third finger and Ren sighed at the stretch, chasing the fingers as Hux pulled them out half the way, only to plunge them back in, deeper.

 _There were others_ , he prompted when no more images came from Ren. The knight whined, annoyed at having to recount his previous experience now, but complied anyway. During his years in training under Snoke, Ren hadn't had much time for sexual encounters. There were a few memories of drunken hookups in the back rooms of hazy cantinas in the unknown regions, of whores picked up in seedy bars and fucked in dim hotel rooms whenever he had the time between missions. It was all meaningless, just to satisfy the physical need. Most of those people had been men, most of their names and faces forgotten. Ren had never let any of them fuck him, unwilling to give himself to a stranger like that, thinking it too intimate.

"And?" Hux asked, sensing this wasn't all of it yet. "Was there ever anyone who wasn't a stranger?"

"This probably isn't the best moment for this conversation", Ren said, shifty. He no longer quite sounded like he was mere seconds away from coming. Perhaps he was right, but now Hux was intrigued. It felt like Ren was keeping something from him, and he didn't like it.

"Probably not, but I'd like to know", he said, pulling his fingers out. Ren was loose enough now that Hux could fuck him after they got whatever this was out of the way.

Ren sighed in defeat and let Hux see the last memory. It was of a fling with a younger man with scars on his torso. He had a tendency to cry during sex and get very submissive, and he was pretty in an ethereal way, lithe and slight. His name was Sedian, and he was one of Ren's knights.

Hux exhaled sharply at that, cursing himself in his mind for not paying enough attention to the knights, to Ren's relationship with them, to their whereabouts. Which one was this Sedian? What were his weaknesses, where could Hux find him - 

Ren huffed and rolled around so that he lay on his back under Hux. He took Hux's face between his large hands and kissed him deeply. Hux couldn't help kissing him back despite the ridiculous jealousy and hurt roiling in his stomach.

Ren ended the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. "I love how jealous you are", he said smugly, and Hux felt a strong desire to punch him in the dick.

"But there's honestly no need. It's been years since that happened, it was before I even met you. He was new and we tried that for a while, but it didn't work out." At least Ren didn't seem sad about it.

"Why not?" Hux asked. He didn't really want to know, but he couldn't help asking. He'd thought he and Ren were in the same boat, neither of them having ever been in a relationship before. This undermined every assumption he'd been operating on. It was unsettling and he felt like he needed a time-out, to pull his thoughts together. To reconsider doing this with Ren at all.

Ren had probably heard the thought, because he wrapped his legs around Hux's waist and effectively locked him in place.

"No running away before I explain", Ren said emphatically. Hux sighed and accepted he couldn't move Ren's huge thighs even if he tried his hardest.

"He's the kind of person who needs his partner to be really rough and awful with him in bed, and then pamper him after. I had the first one down, but I didn't know how to be gentle. I never knew I'd want that before you." Hux melted a little at that, though he would never admit it.

"We stopped soon because it just wasn't working. We're like brothers now, I told you, they're all like family to me. I needed something a little different, someone who wants to take charge sometimes." Ren looked up at Hux. He was still flushed, and the look in his eyes was challenging. "He never could have given me what I want. Can you?"

Hux really wasn't done with this conversation yet, but he supposed it could wait. Right now he wanted to wipe that look from Ren's face, replace it with helpless abandon and make him beg. He leaned down again and kissed Ren rougher than before, biting his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. Ren moaned and eagerly pulled him closer. Hux knew he was stretched enough already, but he felt a little vicious and still angry. He wanted to make Ren truly desperate for it first. He pushed three fingers back in, while simultaneously massaging Ren's prostate through his perineum again. Ren squeezed his eyes shut and whined against Hux's lips.

 _Honestly_ , Ren thought to him, _Hux, come on, please. No-one's done this before, there's just you._ He brought out images of the two of them this time, of the two times Hux had fucked him before. The first time had been hurried and impersonal, truly nothing special to either of them. If Hux had known it was Ren's first time getting fucked he might have been gentler and more attentive, but Ren hadn't told him, and he hadn't cared enough to ask. He kissed Ren gently in apology now, and dwelved deeper into his memories to find the second time.

It had been completely different. Hux had been furious with Ren, and acted accordingly. Ren had challenged Hux's decisions in front of Snoke that day, made him look foolish and inexperienced. Snoke had thrown him around with the Force as punishment, and Hux had caught Ren smirking at his pained yelps and subsequent groveling. After they'd left the chamber, Hux had wanted revenge. He had pushed Ren into a supply closet along a rarely-used corridor and had his way with him, using his body for his own pleasure he had felt he deserved after the earlier humiliation. He had been surprised Ren allowed it.

Experiencing it again in Ren's memories was eye-opening. The way Hux had crowded Ren against the wall and ripped his trousers to mid-thigh had made Ren feel both dirty and exhilarated. Hux had barely prepared him, had just pushed lube in with two fingers before kicking Ren's legs apart and thrusting in with his achingly hard cock. Hux blushed, hearing the filth he'd hissed into Ren's hair as he fucked him ruthlessly. He'd marveled about how easily Ren took it, how responsive he was, moaning like a cheap whore.

Ren had put a warning hint of pressure on his throat with the Force, to let him know he was nearing the end of what Ren would tolerate, close to being choked into silence for real. But Ren hadn't made him stop. The memory of it still made Hux gasp, the motion of his fingers inside Ren stuttering. He could feel what Ren had felt that day, the shame of it, the way he'd been mortified by how much he liked it.

Hux pulled away from Ren's lips enough to be able to speak. "Is that what you want?"

Ren shook his head, flushed, turning his head and trying to bury his face in the pillow again. He clenched around Hux's fingers though, and Hux knew his desires as well as his own, now that he was in Ren's mind.

"It is, though. You want to hear how good you are", he said gently, leaning very close and whispering. "How strong... how fucking _beautiful."_

Ren choked out a laugh at that, but it was a needy sound, almost a sob.

"Tell me what you need", Hux commanded, breathless, his fingers still thrusting in and out of Ren in a rhythm he knew to be simultaneously heavenly and torturing.

Ren closed his eyes and groaned. "More - just, more, please -"

He didn't specify whether he wanted more of Hux's touch or his words, but he didn't need to. Hux wanted to give him both, wanted to give him everything.

"Yeah, okay", he breathed and fumbled for the tin of petroleum jelly. He slicked up his cock and guided the tip of it to drag across Ren's rim. Ren pushed against it, wanting it inside. Hux leaned over him and pushed the head in slowly. Ren moaned and clenched around the intrusion, pulling Hux further in. He got a hand on his own cock and started jerking himself off, the movements of his hand slow and languid.

"You're gorgeous like this", Hux purred in Ren's ear. "You have no idea - it's such a rush to reduce you to this- to make you fucking cry for it -" He thrust in harder now, and Ren cried out. The sound was so fucking lovely, Hux couldn't believe he'd pushed it out of Ren's mouth. This was a knight of Ren, trained in the dark side of the Force, invincible and proud, and Hux had him moaning on his cock.

He changed the angle of his hips, trying to hit Ren's prostate better. Deciding by the noises Ren made, he manged it. "You're so good, Ren, so loose for me, so fucking sweet like this." He was panting now, thrusting hard and fast. Ren was lifting his hips to meet every thrust, wordlessly asking for more, always more. His eyes were closed tight, but a few tears had got out and slid down his cheeks. Hux kissed them away, tasting the salt. Ren opened his eyes again and the naked need in them was almost enough to make Hux come.

 

*

 

It wasn't supposed to go like this. Kylo was supposed to remain in control, if not of Hux then at least of himself, but he hadn't counted on it feeling this good. The previous times had been pleasurable, but they paled in comparison to this. Hux was so good, his movements rough but still somehow hitting Kylo in the best spots on every thrust. He was breathtaking, copper hair illuminated by the firelight, a frantic look in his eyes and a flush on his cheeks. He said a lot of filthy things no-one had ever said to Kylo before, his praise both derogatory and loving. It drove him wild.

Kylo looked at Hux, didn't know what Hux saw in his eyes but it must have been something he liked, because Hux groaned and kissed him roughly, sucking on his tongue and then biting his lip where it was already swollen and tender. His hips stuttered but didn't stop. Kylo wrapped his legs around Hux more securely and pulled him closer. Kylo loved having him this close in every way, but he missed his words. 

_Hux, please, can you..._ He couldn't finish the thought, was cut off by a particularly hard jab at his prostate, but Hux got the point anyway.

 _Yeah, of- of course I can. I love how you feel around me_ , he sent shakily, his mental voice more reverent than the audible. _Love the noises you make, you're so into this - So fucking good for me, my beautiful, clever boy -_

Kylo sobbed and dug his heels into Hux's back to pull him in as far as he could, needing to feel all of him. Hux took the cue and thrust hard, knocking Kylo's hand out of the way and wrapping his own fingers around Kylo's cock. The pace was frantic and the kiss had turned into them just panting against each other's lips, crazy with lust, hurtling towards climax.

Hux cupped Kylo's cheek with his other hand and caressed it, the gentle motion a startling contrast to everything else. _Come on, come for me_ , he sent, desperate to feel it. _You can let go. Just come for me, Kylo._

It was the name that did it, the nameless emotion in it. Kylo shuddered and came with a moan, muscles clamping down on Hux and milking his own orgasm from him. Hux groaned and kept fucking him, pushing his come deep inside Kylo. After a few more powerful thrusts, he finally pulled out and collapsed on Kylo, resting his forehead on Kylo's collarbone.

Kylo exhaled heavily and unwound his legs from Hux's hips. His right hand found its way into Hux's hair and the left to the small of his back, and he pulled Hux even closer. Then he rolled them over on their sides. Despite his thin body, Hux was unexpectedly heavy. Hux kissed Kylo's neck, still breathing hard, and pulled away a little to look Kylo in the eye. He looked as messed up and tired as Kylo felt, but his smile was satisfied and a little smug. He was apparently very proud of having been able to reduce Kylo to a sobbing mess.

Kylo closed his eyes for a moment to escape Hux's gaze. He felt loose and fucked out, and he was certain he looked the part as well. It was a little humiliating to have gotten off on Hux's filthy words as hard as he had, to have outright begged for the praise. Though he had slipped out of Kylo's mind at some point, Hux could read his feelings on his face just fine. He caressed Kylo's cheek, and when Kylo finally opened his eyes again, Hux was looking at him fondly.

Kylo couldn't say which one of them moved first, but Hux's hand buried itself in Kylo's hair and Kylo pulled him closer by the hip, and then they were kissing again. It was slow and lazy now, just a simple press and slide of lips against lips. They both smiled into it, unable to help it. This was all so new and unfamiliar, the prolonged, gentle touch of another person.

Kylo couldn't help annoying Hux a little bit though. "I'm gorgeous, huh?" he asked cheekily, dropping a playful little kiss on Hux's lips. Hux nipped his lower lip in retaliation.

"I hate to stroke your ego", Hux grumbled, "But you really are." His eyes roamed over Kylo's face, down to his chest, making Kylo blush and avert his eyes. Kylo knew his features were disproportionate, his nose and ears too large, his mouth too soft, but it felt really good to have Hux tell him he liked his looks.

"Since we have the time", Hux said around a yawn, "I'd like to sleep for a few more hours." The surface of his thoughts felt drowsy again, and Kylo could feel he was still suffering from the headache. Kylo himself felt pleasantly exhausted, and had nothing against a little extra rest. He nodded and pulled the rumpled covers over them both. Hux burrowed close to him, and they went to sleep.

 

*

 

After their nap, Hux assembled a breakfast from their rapidly diminishing food reserve. It had been good to hunt for a few days, but in this storm it would be no use to set up traps. They would just get covered in snow or blown away, and the animals were probably burrowed deep in their nests in the trees anyway, rather like Hux and Ren were in this little cabin.

Ren had to use the Force to push snow aside to be able to open the door enough to pour out the dirty water in the sled and fill it with fresh snow. He melted it, and they had another luxurious bath after breakfast. Hux had never imagined he'd enjoy baths, but here on this lonely, cold planet he cherished the warmth of the water and the feeling of Ren's wet, naked skin against his.

They sat in the water and kissed languidly for a long time, until the skin of their fingers and toes went wrinkly. It didn't lead to anything more this time. They were both happy to just be close for once, not hurrying anywhere. There were promises of later in their touches, but for now they had things to do.

After drying up with a blanket, Hux dressed in the remaining clean stormtrooper underarmor and sat down on the bed with the two helmets and the small box of tools they had salvaged from Ren's destroyed ship. Ren wore the last clean pair of underwear an nothing else. He added more wood to the fire so that he was warm enough like that, and started washing all the clothes, sheets, and blankets. He had to change the water multiple times and every time he opened the door to do it, he and Hux both shuddered at the cold air and snow that pushed their way inside.

Just as Hux had feared, the helmets weren't of any use. He managed to fix the life support system in one of them, but even that was useless without oxygen tanks attached to it. The comms on both helmets were crushed beyond repair. Sighing in defeat, Hux went over to help Ren spread the washing to dry over the table and the long benches along the walls.

This kind of domesticity felt weird. Hux had never imagined himself in a relationship where things like this would happen, much less with Kylo Ren, but here they were, working together in comfortable silence. Hux was getting used to it, being close to Ren felt more natural every day. Undoubtedly the sex was one reason for it, as well as their habit of spending more and more time in each other's heads.

They had a conversation about the situation and decided to wait the storm out. They would lose valuable time, perhaps days, but it was better than to die out there in the blizzard. The snowfall was so heavy they couldn't have seen where they'd be going even if they were stupid enough to try to brave the weather.

For the rest of the evening, Hux and Ren focused on refining Hux's skill with mental conversation, as well as strengthening their connection and building Hux's mental walls to be stronger, to withstand attacks with the Force.

Before they started getting ready for bed, Ren made a suggestion.

"Would you like me to teach you some meditation too? I think it might really help with the nightmares." He looked at Hux earnestly, eager to share more of his wisdom, and probably also to ease Hux's nightly discomfort.

Hux shrugged a shoulder. "I suppose it might be useful." He didn't have much faith in meditation as a way to help him control his dreams, but it might still be worth the try.

Ren didn't seem happy about the lukewarm response, but started directing Hux nevertheless. He arranged Hux to sit on the bed with his legs crossed and his hands loosely clasped in his lap. Then he proceeded to advise Hux to envision a quiet place in his mind, a calm space with no distraction. Ren's voice was a low, soothing murmur, and he sat on the bed facing Hux, their knees mere centimetres from touching.

Hux tried to visualize the library on Arkanis, a quiet room where no-one ever disturbed him. It worked, but as Ren droned on about relaxing his limbs muscle by muscle and controlling his breathing, emptying his mind of thoughts, Hux's attention began to wander. He was a curious person by nature, his thoughts always jumping from one idea to another, and he didn't much like to sit still like this, doing nothing. Usually when he relaxed in his quarters late at night after a double shift and additional paperwork, he liked to drink quality liqueur and watch holos on his data pad, read, make battle plans, design weapons, _something._

He was startled out of his thoughts by Ren touching his knee. "It's not working, is it", Ren pouted.

Hux sighed. "Not really, no. It's not easy to just _not think._ Though I don't imagine you'd have much trouble with the concept."

Ren leveled an exasperated look at him for the barb and pushed him over. "We're changing tactics", he announced as he moved up the bed to lie beside Hux. He pulled Hux closer until his chest touched Hux's back. Hux made a small happy noise at the arm wrapping around him and the little kiss Ren pressed to the nape of his neck. This all seemed a little counterproductive if Ren meant to stop Hux from thinking.

"Just - focus on my breathing, okay?" Ren said. "There's no rush. Nothing else you should be doing right now. We can't leave. So lets just be, for a while." His voice was calming, and the rhythm of his breathing slow and even against Hux's back. Soon, without him even consciously trying, Hux's own breathing synced with Ren's. Ren was right: there was really nothing else that demanded Hux's attention right now. Only the small cottage in the middle of a raging storm, this tiny space sitting still in the middle of the ever-revolving universe, a fixed point of silence and peace.

It was a pacifying thought. Ren felt it too as he slid into Hux's mind, his presence comfortable and familiar by this point, and for a long time, the two of them just were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3 Please leave a comment if you liked it!  
> The next chapter will have a little more action, and should be posted in a few days.
> 
> Again, I'm on tumblr @ trevardes.tumblr.com if you want to come say hi :)


	11. Where I rest my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from OMAM's Silhouettes.
> 
> I promised that things would happen in this chapter, but these boys just wanted to have a lot of conversations here, so the things have been postponed to the next chapter. Sorry about that! ^^

The storm kept raging on into the following day. There was no way they could have left the cottage that day either. With the laundry done and dried and the stormtroper helmets proclaimed unfixable, there was nothing for them to do. Ren fell back onto the bed after breakfast, and Hux followed him under the covers after he'd finished his caf.

The meditation of sorts they had undertaken the previous night might have actually done some good: Hux's dreams had been calm for the better part of the night. Near morning there had been a nightmare again, but that too had been tamer than usual. Hux wouldn't admit out loud that the method Ren had devised actually seemed to work, but he was sure he'd want to do more of it in the future.

Meanwhile, this sort of lazing around in bed during the day was starting to bother Hux. He was so used to always being on the move, always ready to spring into action, that such uninterrupted leisure irked him. It might feel comfortable to just stay in bed and relax, but it really wasn't sustainable. He couldn't let himself become used to it. But at least the lull in activity could be used for a conversation he'd been meaning to have with Ren for a while now.

"Ren", Hux said as he laid his head on the knight's shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"I'm a little irritated that when I last asked you about your Knights, you didn't see fit to mention anything about Sedian." He was aware the name came out in an angry hiss. In any other situation he would have refrained from such displays of petty jealousy, but right now Ren was the only one to hear him, and he already knew how Hux felt. All the more reason for him to finally give Hux a sufficient explanation.

Ren scratched the back of his neck a little awkwardly. "I guess I didn't want to scare you away? Things were complicated enough without me bringing up faiked relationships from my past."

Hux scoffed and Ren continued on. "I could tell you all about it if you want? And about the rest of my knights? I didn't say that much the last time."

Hux wasn't sure he wanted to hear it all, but nodded anyway. It would make life easier if there were less things left unsaid between them. Ren nudged his mind with his own, requesting entry, and Hux granted it. _It'll be easier to show you, help you keep track of everybody_ , Ren explained.

"I'll start from the beginning", he said and gave Hux images of two of his knights, first with their helmets on and then off. "These are Kirah and Ela. They were my friends at the temple, and the only ones who would follow me."

Kirah was a rough-looking human man, around the same age as Ren, with scars on his face and apparently both hands made of metal. He appeared angry and volatile, a little like Ren when he lost control of himself, but there were also memories of him protecting the other knights in battle, fiercely putting himself between them and whatever danger they were facing.

"He's the most talented clairvoyant out of all seven of us. The Force shows him visions of the future all the time, and it's pretty rough on him", Ren said.

Hux couldn't imagine what that would be like. It would be a tremendous advantage to know what would come to pass, but it might also be a burden. He wondered whether Kirah had seen the deaths of his friends, whether he'd seen his own.

"What about her?" Hux asked and redirected his attention to the woman named Ela. She was a member of some humanoid, reptilian-looking species. Her face and head were covered in tiny, lilac scales, and the pupils of her yellow eyes were thin vertical slits. Despite the foreign appearance, Hux found her quite beautiful. Her posture was straight and her smile sunny, though she had very many, very sharp-looking teeth.

"She's from a tiny, swampy planet in the Mid Rim. I met her when I first arrived at the temple, and she basically adopted me. She was the first person I could actually call a friend", Ren reminisced with a fond look. "She's your age actually, I think."

Hux hummed. "What happened after you left the temple? You've never talked about it before." Ren went quiet for a while, looking conflicted. It was clearly still a sore spot. He pushed his hand into Hux's hair and played with the strands as he answered.

"I took a ship and flew Ela and Kirah to Snoke's citadel, where he started our training. It was... difficult. Sometimes I thought it might've been better for them if I'd just let them go and went to Snoke alone. Of course I was punished for those thoughts, and we all for our failures." The image of Kirah's missing hands entered Hux's thoughts again, and he repressed a shudder.

"They say they never resented me for taking them to Snoke, because with Snoke's help, we all grew stronger than we'd ever hoped to be", Ren continued. "It was in the citadel that we met I'xul, and he became one of us."

Hux saw an older man, in his late fifties or early sixties. He had brown skin and tired eyes, and seemed to always be exasperated with the other knights. Hux believed he was the knight stationed on the star destroyer Harbinger with General Amras. From the brief glimpse Hux got of I'xul, he seemed more stable and sensible than Hux's Ren.

"Until very recently, I think I would have loved to exchange you for him", he teased Ren. Ren just laughed and kept on petting Hux's hair. "Unfortunately for you, I think I'xul's only into women."

"Speaking of being into people", Hux interrupted him, "Sedian?"

Ren sighed and gathered Hux closer. "Okay, okay. Around seven years ago now, we had finished the first phase of our training, the four of us. We were learning to work as a unit, fighting and going on missions for Snoke. Most of those missions were to search for other Force sensitives and either recruit or eliminate them. On one of those journeys we came across Sedian and Micarna."

He gave Hux memories of a scary-looking, dark-skinned woman with short, curly hair and the already familiar, beautiful Sedian. Micarna had been maybe thirty, traveling together with the boy and protecting him. He looked barely eighteen years old, if that. Hux leveled a disbelieving look at Ren. "That's what you'd go for?"

Ren huffed, irritated. "He was nineteen when it happened, I was thenty-three. We both knew what we were doing, and I think I was far more innocent than him. But I guess you'll notice I do have a type."

Hux looked at the images of the boy again, and though he didn't like it, there were certain similarities between Sedian and himself. Though their coloring was different - Hux pale and ginger and Sedian a slightly darker olive tone with reddish-brown hair and dark eyes - their build was exactly the same. They were slight but tall, and there was even something alike in the bone structure of their faces.

"But it didn't work out? What exactly happened in the first place?" he made himself ask.

Ren buried his face in Hux's hair as he answered, as if he was ashamed of what he was about to say. "I kind of regret how it all went down. He and Micarna had only been with us for a few months, enough for me to begin training them, but not enough for us to really learn to know each other yet. There was a night when I was teaching Sedian how to better control his lightsaber - he prefers blasters to close combat so it was more difficult for him." Hux frowned at this: yet another similarity. He also tended to avoid close combat, and was rather a brilliant sniper. He made an inquisitive noise, encouraging Ren to keep going.

"We sparred, and that night was the first time he managed to disarm me. I was very proud of him, and I guess it showed, because then he was just there, kissing me. I ended up fucking him there, on the training room floor. After that, we kept going for a while."

He paused, and Hux asked to just see it instead, sensing Ren found it hard to talk about. Ren sighed in relief and just showed it all: how the sex had been good, amazing even, how Ren had loved finally having someone to experiment with. Someone he cared about and who adored him. Hux closed his eyes at that and tried to swallow the bitter feeling of jealousy rising to the back of his throat.

What he saw next made him feel a little better. As Ren and Sedian had learned more and more about each other, it had become clear that while Ren's particular band of roughness was very enjoyable to Sedian, the boy also needed something soft and loving to balance it out. He craved Ren's approval, but Ren was truly uncomfortable with how his submission sometimes turned into outright groveling. Sedian's chasing after the feeble scraps of gentleness Ren could only give on occasion had worn on them both.

It annoyed Hux that Sedian was someone who could be that open with his needs and emotions without fearing the consequences. That he'd had the courage to openly ask for what he wanted, even if it made him look weak.

"He wanted a real relationship, a proper romance, and I couldn't give him that. Didn't even want to try, really." Ren sounded sad about it, but not like he now regretted letting Sedian go.

"But you parted on good terms?" Hux asked and started tracing patterns on Ren's chest.

"More or less, yeah. We talked it out, realized it wasn't good for either of us. Decided to put an end to it before it got any uglier. There were some tears, on both our parts. Things were pretty awkward for a while afterwards, but it was good we had the others. They helped us return to normal, and we we'd been okay again for a long time already, when about two years later, Nic found us."

"The last one of your knights? He found you?" Hux felt Ren nod, and saw a very tall, very muscular-looking person with long white hair and stone-gray skin. Hux wasn't sure whether they were male after all. Their body didn't seem curvy or anything of the like, but the full lips and shapely face could have belonged to a woman.

"Is... Are they -?" He didn't really know how to finish the question.

Ren chuckled. "Yeah, Nic inspires that reaction pretty often. Their species doesn't really have genders, so they prefer neutral pronouns. Nic was exiled from their home for some crime, the actual nature of which I still don't know, and they heard about us through the grapevine. They started doing all this crazy shit to draw our attention, and it worked. We went to see what all the disturbances in the Force were about, and there they were, on a desert planed near the Outer Rim, just casually moving small mountains around."

Hux chortled out a surprised laugh. "That's certainly a way to attract attention."

Ren laughed too. "Yeah. I asked Nic to join us, and they agreed. That was when I happened to comb across my knights' surface thoughts to see if anyone had anything against recruiting Nic, and noticed how Sedian was feeling. I've never witnessed such a raging mental boner before, it was a little scary."

Hux giggled helplessly into Ren's neck. Ren showed him an abridged version of the progression of their relationship, from the beginning with Sedian relentlessly courting the perplexed Nic, to them giving in and admitting they'd fallen in love with him, and finally to their present state of married bliss and disturbingly loud sex on small, badly soundproofed shuttles.

"It's been like that with them for years", Ren groaned. "Ela and Micarna and their General too." Hux did a double take at that. Just, _what?_

"Are they the two on the Conqueror?" Hux asked slowly. The general in charge of it was a formidable woman in her late forties by the name of Cyro Jarif, and Hux had never heard a single detail about her personal life. She had a reputation of being cold, ruthless and very private. A small part of him was delighted to come by potential blackmail material like this.

"Yeah. It's always Cyro this and Cyro that, like she's the best thing since bagged blue milk. At least I've never had to stay with them when all three get together. Hearing Sedian and Nic is quite enough for me." Ren's tone was more amused and fond than long-suffering, though he tried to hide it. Hux was still processing the fact that he wasn't the only one of the Order's generals who was having an affair with a Ren. Several Rens, in General Jarif's case, apparently. Life was strange.

"You know", Ren smirked, "Ela and Micarna are always telling me I should just fuck you. That it'd get rid of some tension. Make our working relationship easier."

"Really? And you never told them that we already were?"

"No. I guess I didn't want to acknowledge it was really happening at all... And I didn't want it to get out to anyone, in case it'd reflect negatively on either of our positions or something." He sounded gruff, and it warmed Hux that the big lug had been thinking of what was best for him even before this recent change in their relationship.

"I'm not sure if I understand you lot any better than before, but thank you for telling me all this", Hux said. That earned him a kiss and a nuzzle on the forehead, and he almost felt like purring.

"I think they'd love you. We should all get together someday so you could meet them", Ren mused. "But seriously, you don't need to worry", he said reassuringly, "Sedian's definitely not pining after me anymore."

Hux sighed and smiled, choosing for once to just believe Ren.

"Besides", Ren continued, "even if he were, I wouldn't leave you because of him. It makes me furious sometimes, all your stubbornness, but I really kind of like how feisty you are. I can't imagine anyone else calling me out on my bullshit like you do."

"I'll show you feisty", Hux growled and bit Ren's neck, making him moan. Hux still wanted to meet the knights face to face to assess them all, but for now he could accept Sedian was no threat and forget his lingering jealousy. Ren was _his_ , and he wouldn't let go of him. He nipped Ren's neck until the knight growled and pulled him up to kiss him hard on the lips, and Hux forgot that there had ever even been any jealousy in the first place.

 

*

 

They stayed in bed all day, building Hux's mental walls. It had become an almost boringly familiar activity now, and left Hux feeling mentally worn out. It was like he was using muscles he hadn't even known he had, and the sudden strain on them made them ache. It was a pleasant ache though, because it was a sign of having accomplished something. Ren could still break through his shielding when he concentrated properly, but they were fast approaching their goal: shields that looked so innocuous that someone rifling through Hux's mind wouldn't realize they were shields at all.

Ren was usually touching Hux somehow during their training sessions. It helped strengthen the connection and grounded them in one another, but was also truly distracting at times. The skin of Ren's palm was rough against Hux's cheek, but his touch was gentle, and Hux kept imagining the hand sliding to other places. His distraction allowed Ren to sink right to the thoughts Hux had been trying to protect, but he couldn't even stay disappointed in himself in the face of Ren smiling at his thoughts.

 

Later in the evening, Ren floated food over from the other side of the room so that they could stay in bed while they ate. They ate in companionable silence, and Hux contemplated their situation. It had been good for his concussioned head to lay low and rest for the last few days, but he was anxious to get going again. He hated being away from the Finalizer, aware of the fact that the people left in charge were nowhere near as competent as him.

Ren picked up on the thought and chuckled. "Figures the control freak in you would be more worried about your ship's fate than your own." He ducked out of the way of the gentle swat Hux aimed at him and continued, "Do you know what's going on there right now? There's probably some sort of protocol?"

"Of course there is", Hux said. "In the event that I, as the commanding officer of the Finalizer, were to fall ill, go missing or die, the first candidate to inherit my position would be my co-commander - you."

Ren huffed a surprised laugh. "Yeah? Even though I'm not officially part of the Order?"

"That was my exact argument to Snoke", Hux admitted. "Since you have neither the training nor the experience needed to lead and control such a large crew and as many operations at once as a general has to. Thank the stars you're here instead of there right now."

"Fuck you, I'd do fine", Ren grumbled.

"Oh, I'm sure you would, especially if your goal was to trash the ship and bring the whole Order crashing to the ground", Hux snarked, enjoying the insulted growl from Ren.

"In the event that you were missing or indisposed as well, a commitee composed of six of the highest ranking officers would be assembled. You know them; Phasma, Peavey, Torvaldsen, Álvarez, Giang, Karlin. They'd share the command until we were found or proclaimed dead, at which point one of them would be promoted to general to replace us."

"So they've most likely finished the repairs on the Finalizer by now and started searching for us", Ren concluded, and Hux nodded.

"Your ship should have been transmitting coordinates to the Finalizer right until we crashed, but since we've not been found yet, my best guess is the rebel girl and her people somehow disabled our connection to the Finalizer as well." Hux sighed. It was an insult to the whole stormtrooper program, how incompetent and easily distracted the troopers on Ren's ship had been. They should have realized something was wrong. It was a fool's mistake, letting a beautiful woman distract and confuse you so thoroughly. Notifying Phasma of this would be among his first priorities when they returned to the Finalizer. Furthermore, Hux himself should have paid more attention to his surroundings instead of trusting everything to the others and _napping._

Ren hummed in agreement to Hux's words. "I guess you'd want Phasma to succeed you?"

"Absolutely. The others are rather competent as well, they wouldn't survive on my ship if they weren't, but Phasma is the only one who I'd trust to lead on her own." They shared views on how the masses should be lead and were in agreement over the destiny of the First Order. Phasma was as honorable as anyone with her background could be expected to be, but her lojalty to the cause was unwavering.in addition, she was the only one of the officers that Hux actually, personally liked and considered a friend.

"I just don't think our Supreme Leader would let her have command of a star destroyer", Hux mused.

"She has her own ideas, and she's an admired role model for too many." Snoke would see her as the threat she was, and would keep her as a captain forever, citing her importance as the head of the stormtrooper program. He would probably promote Peavey instead. Hux frowned at the thought.

"And you're not?" Ren asked flatly, and Hux chuckled.

"I suppose you could say that... But until recently I've been too busy quarreling with you to cause any trouble."

Ren nodded, looking thoughtful. "I must say I prefer the excessive cuddling and sex." He was apparently done talking and in need of kisses, and leaned in to nudge Hux's nose with his own. Hux huffed, but smiled into the kiss as Ren's lips met his.

 

*

 

They lay together for an indeterminate while, lost in each other. The storm had started to ease up while they talked, and now the howling of the wind was steadily getting quieter.

"We should be able to leave tomorrow morning", Hux estimated as he pulled away slightly, and Ren nodded.

"Guess we should pack up now", Ren said. It would be smart, Hux agreed, to be able to leave as early as possible. Daylight was limited on Carlia, and they should use every minute of it that they could.

"One last bath before that?" Ren asked, and Hux couldn't saying yes to that small smirk on his lips. Despite them both being hard, they'd been content to just make out like teenagers, but that face meant Ren wanted more. Hux's laziness was instantly forgotten, and he was nodding before he'd even managed to consider it. It was becoming like a Pavlovian response to that smile.

Said smile only got wider as Hux divested himself of his shirt and began looking for the tin of petroleum jelly in the rumpled sheets around him. Ren sprang up, wrapped himself in a blanket, and disappeared outside to get fresh snow for their bath.

He returned with the sled full of snow, melted it and heated the water in record time. It should have looked ridiculous, a huge man like him, dashing around preparing a bath with messy bed hair and a raging hard-on, but Hux just found him very attractive and a little endearing. His mental state might have been worse than he thought.

Ren threw away the blanket and sat in the water, beckoning to Hux. Hux grabbed the petroleum jelly and went to Ren, settling in his lap in the hot water.

 

*

 

Kylo held Hux by the hips and pulled him in for a kiss. Hux moaned into the kiss and shifted restlessly, grinding his ass against Kylo's cock. Kylo groaned and dipped his fingers into the tin on the floor next to the sled, and then brought them back up to Hux's hole. He was already loose and slick there; it would only take one more finger until Kylo could fuck him. Kylo opened Hux up, slow and sweet, all the while peppering his lips and cheeks with kisses.

"I'm ready, come on, I need you inside", Hux panted after a while, and Kylo relented. He pulled his fingers out and gently directed Hux onto his cock. Hux grabbed it and positioned himself, sliding down faster than was smart. He made a small, pained noise, but kept going, rising up to his knees and dropping back down so that Kylo was buried to the hilt inside him. Kylo met his movements with powerful thrusts of his hips, and loved the desperate, fucked-out noises it punched out of Hux.

"I like- ah - I like all this softness", Hux panted as he rode Kylo, "But I also- mmh, yeah, right there, _fuck, Ren -_ "

Kylo had found Hux's prostate, and it was beautiful, how it made Hux babble mindlessly. "Yeah?" He prompted and wrapped his fingers around Hux's cock. Hux keened and ground down harder on Kylo's cock.

"I miss the roughness from before", Hux panted. Kylo raised an eyebrow at him as he thrust hard and made Hux shudder. What was this, if not rough?

"Not what I meant - fuck! I mean - " Hux whined in frustration and then just pushed an image into Kylo's mind. In it Hux was on a bed in a dimly lit room with metal walls. Kylo had never been in Hux's bedroom on the Finalizer, but he assumed this was it. Hux was on his back, with his hands tied to the headboard with a black silken scarf. There was also a thinner strip of the fabric tied tight around his cock to keep him from coming. There were bruises on Hux's thighs and hips from Kylo's hands, and he was flushed, moaning so sweetly for Kylo. His legs were thrown over Kylo's shoulders, and Kylo was fucking him hard.

"Oh fuck, _Hux_ , that's amazing", Kylo groaned and sped the rhythm of his hand on Hux's cock. "You wanna be tied up and fucked hard? I can do that, I'd love to-"

Hux smiled, anticipatory and a little wicked. "Good. Do you want to- ah - do you want to see more?"

Kylo nodded, and Hux poured more of his private fantasies into Kylo's mind. There was an image of Kylo tied up, in turn, and of Hux fucking his throat and coming on his face. Another one of Hux lounging on a pale blue sofa in his quarters, sipping wine from a tall glass and shifting his dark robe to reveal black lace underneath. Kylo's hips stuttered and he almost came at the image alone.

"You'd like that?" Hux chuckled. Kylo leaned up to kiss him hard. Like it? He _adored_ the thougt of Hux dressing in lace, getting all pretty and dolled up just for Kylo.

" _Yes._ You'd do that for me? How are you even real?" He kissed Hux again, deep and worshipful, wiping the smirk from his face.

 _Wanna see what I'd do to you in those panties?_ Kylo thought to Hux, his lips never leaving Hux's. Hux let Kylo feel his inquiring curiosity, and Kylo answered it with a fantasy of his own. He put Hux ass up on the sofa, stripped the robe off from him, spread Hux's soft, supple ass cheeks apart with his hands. He pulled the black lace aside enough to get his face in there.

The real-life Hux in Kylo's arms jerked back in shock, a hot blush colouring his cheeks scarlet. "Wh- what the fuck was that? Ren, that's filthy -" Kylo felt his apprehension and surprise along their connection, but he also caught an underlying current of interest.

"Has no one ever done that to you before?" Kylo asked, and felt a bit outraged on Hux behalf when he shook his head.

"That's a grave fucking injustice", he said and cupped Hux's ass in his hands, nudging him to keep moving. "You have a gorgeous ass, you deserve to have a tongue in it like, all the time. When we get back home and we can properly get clean, please let me eat you out?"

Hux moaned, but it might just as well have been from Kylo's cock hitting his prostate as it might've been because of Kylo's words. Hux's eyes were closed, a crease between his eyebrows, and he was still very red.

"C'mon", Kylo said, making his voice a low purr. "I'll bend you over the back of that couch and just- worship your hole for hours. Slap you till you're red all over." Hux let out a small sob, and Kylo got his hand back on Hux's cock, the pre-come leaking out easing his way.

"I'll make you cry, you'll be so over-sensitive, and then I'll fuck you. No lube, no fucking pertoleum jelly, just spit. It'll burn, it'll be rough, but you'll like that, won't you?"

Hux cried out and buried his face in Kylo's hair. _Fuck, okay, yeah, I'll let you do that, anything, just please -_

Kylo kissed Hux's neck, than sucked and bit it, and made his thrusts faster. Hux wrapped his arms around Kylo and rode him frantically, hard and deep, until they both shook apart in each other's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little carried away with my headcanons for the Knights, I hope you don't mind :)  
> I'm thinking I might write more about them after I finish this fic.


End file.
